I am not oppressed.

Ya Allaah! There is such a sweetness in sujood.

There are so many days when I just want to cry, days where I receive so many hateful stares and cruel words. All I can do is smile in return. I feel so alone here, like everyone I "have" is too preoccupied. My family is falling apart, and all I can do is watch from afar. And here I am, alone. Solitude is pleasant at times, but not when you feel alone in all you do. Not when you don't even feel needed in anyone's life. I think that's all a person truly wants, to feel needed and/or wanted. Just a friend to initiate a conversation, just a simple "I'm glad you are in my life," ect. Sure, people are busy, as am I. I guess I just want to feel like I can help people get through their days. I want someone to assist me, too. I just feel so empty some days like its hard to go on. It's challenging to smile or be happy everyday when you just feel like a bother to others. Some days I just want to give up. Some days I feel like I would better myself by immersing my mind in books rather than human connection. I can vicariously live through a character who is wanted, in turn satisfying a hole falsely. Maybe it's better than it not being satisfied at all. After all, Freud states that too much suppression leads to neurotic behavior. I need to read more as an English major anyway. Lesson for the day: books seem to be there for me when others are not.

I've been gone, but I just need somewhere to vent. So I'm back. Stay tuned for my rampage soon to occur.

May Allaah guide me and keep my mind on the things which are most important. I complain about life, but I'm so happy with my life compared to a year ago. I need to look at the positive aspects of life, rather than complaining and only caring about myself. AlHamdilullah I am Muslim.