damn your love, damn your lies

Cutting into a thick, juicy nothingburger using my bladeless knife with no handle

I often complain about my life but one thing I am grateful for is that I've almost never been shot at with a cannon. That happened all the time in the old days and it seems like it sucked a lot

maybe i will performatively go to the farmers market and performatively buy some flowers to performatively let stick out my performative tote bag and performatively have a nice time

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

good thing they didnt have Grindr during the age of sail imagine coming into range of the enemy and in the tense quiet before the storm all your officers' phones go off

i am sooo pro-cheating in fiction omg wdym you want them to ethically break things up with their significant other before getting together that actively makes it less hot 🙄 like literally whats the point then 🙄 bring back UNETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY!!!!

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

sleep is the stupidest fucking bullshit to ever exist

I must not fuck with my cuticles. fucking with my cuticles is the cuticle fucker.

the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy I fucking hate that guy

i love clicking on somebody’s ao3 profile and seeing the most nonsensical collection of fandoms. like yess let's live a thousand lifetimes