"Forehead kisses are wildly underrated" @artsyfalafel - Tumblr Blog

distressing things to say to your friends

Its been five years of it’s august and the flow of time still haunts me

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quasi-normalcy

I don't remember finding fart jokes particularly funny even when I was a child.

quasi-normalcy

Five year old me, watching a movie with fart jokes: "Oh, how gauche. They're pandering to the lowest common denominator."

rattling-bag-of-bones

My lord I need you to make up your mind, where the fuck are we going

mandalhoerian-deactivated202510

my lord i think we're lost

depresseddepot

my lord????

little-slice-of-eden

*wheezing* please....My Lord....I just caught up

thatdootdevice

My Lord COME BACK?!

warlockofagnesi

MY LORD?? there is no way I can follow you there!

...all right My Lord [SIGH] I guess I will just have to trust you

evaceratops

my lord i WARNED you-

noah-wyles

sorry boss i can't concentrate on work today i have a fanfic idea tumbling around my head like a gigantic beast desperate to be written and all i can think about is getting these characters to fall in love with each other you get how it is

oneheadtoanother

tachyon-log

(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,

fishmech

inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.

bunniope

can we focus on the gnome for a second

bunniope

wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat

ladyofspoons

these are the people i have to share a highway with

fyterx

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batmanisagatewaydrug

always some new bullshit in the ocean

local-demon-in-your-area

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

batmanisagatewaydrug

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

were--ralph

the problem with tumblr spells is all of you lil sluts are casting and not giving it time to charge so you're all casting cantrips and not 9th level death spells. everyone wants to be the one to take them down no one wants to be the one who assists

were--ralph

we're going to try again witha little but minimal casting

IT will happen in August of 2026. like to charge and reblog to cast but cast sparingly

were--ralph

Wait stop. everyone +like now and spread it a little but cast on the same day in August. lets try August 6th or something.

were--ralph

CAST NOW

despazito

spaghettioverdose-deactivated20

dogpuppy

homunculus-argument

"But won't children be confused by all the LGBT-"

Yesterday I saw a mother with a baby carriage, being followed by a girl of about 4-6 years old on a bicycle. The kid started ringing her bike bell like RING RING RING RING RING RING RING, and the mother turned to look behind them to see whether they were being followed by a cyclist who desperately needs to pass them for the sake of everyone's safety.

And the little girl - who just rang the goddamn bell herself 5 seconds ago - also turned to look.

Kids are confused by everything at all times. They don't know jack shit. About anything.

jumpingjacktrash

i remember being like 8 or 9 and being told that my dad’s ex-wife was no longer diane and we were to address her as daniel now. my reaction: “ok.”

me and my brother later had a small discussion about whether that could happen randomly (conclusion: no, he probably had to file papers or something) and whether daniel should now be referred to as dad’s ex-husband (conclusion: yes but only to see the face he’ll make) but at no point did we find it like... alarming? the world is big and weird. we were used to it.

finding out a sorta-relative could just change genders off camera, as it were, was a whole lot less head-splodey than finding out there were no squirrels in australia!

scattered-to-the-winds

There’s no what

ashfae

"Won't they be confused by all the--" So what if they are? Life is often confusing. That's part of how we learn. Part of the job of an adult is to help confused kids learn and understand things. There's no obligation to protect the kids from the confusing things. Quite the reverse.

In my experience anyone using this BS excuse isn't worried about a child's potential confusion, but their own, which they don't want to admit to having.

indieninja92

theres no squirrels in australia???

marleythegoldfish

Aussie here, I DIDN'T KNOW SQUIRRELS WERE ACTUALLY REAL FOR THE FIRST EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE NO JOKE I THOUGHT THEY WERE A MYTHICAL ANIMAL LIKE UNICORNS

alostpan

WHAT??

gay-jesus-probably

Australia is to squirrels what Alberta is to rats

shower-thoughts-last-responder

There's no rats in Alberta??

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The accuracy and precision is unparalleled

thegoldengals

Opposite vibe

skopostheorie

queer-as-city-folk

Old man, sitting in the pool steps reading his book

queer-as-city-folk

Artists sketch

spacemancharisma

UNRESTRAINED SUMMER FUN

redpandarascal

this should be the logo for shirts like the little horse guy on the ralph laurens

what-even-is-thiss

The reason your snacks are unsatisfying is that you need both carb and protein.

Carb starts your engine, protein keeps it going.

No carb, engine don’t start. No protein, engine dies out fast.

what-even-is-thiss

Easy carb add on:

Cookie

Fruit (canned or fresh)

Chips

Piece of bread

Popcorn

Crackers

Easy protein add on:

Nuts

Spoonful of nut butter

Cheese

Roasted chickpea snacks

Glass of milk (dairy or non dairy)

Small canned sausages or similar

what-even-is-thiss

Sugar in there.

what-even-is-thiss

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

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birdplushie

fiction can be really dangerous there might be a deeply tragic woman in there who starts living in your head forever

leonkennedysprostate

i ♥️ filtering tags i ♥️ blocking blogs i ♥️ scrolling and not engaging i ♥️ curating my online experience

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"Forehead kisses are wildly underrated"