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Until the delusions start kicking in and you think a song was created for you and few other specific people and you have "proof" of it and you're also paranoid and delusional that the medical community is lying to you and you are starting having ideas that another song has a secret message for you because you keep dreaming about it and you are starting to not being able to tell the difference between your dreams and reality and you keep having catatonic spells and-
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Ella in therapy in Lucifer s5e14 “Nothing Lasts Forever”
(image ID under the readmore)
[Image ID: 10 gifs of Ella talking to Linda.
1) Ella, hesitantly: Yesterday on my morning run, I saw this guy about to cross the street. Head in his phone, not paying attention, moments away from walking into traffic.
2) Ella, staring into the air: And…my mind started picturing things. Like…like really vivid things. Which car would hit him first? Which of his bones would shatter?
3) Ella: The position his body would land on the ground. Exactly how long it would take him to bleed out. Detail after detail.
4) Ella: I- I eventually snapped out of it, but it was too late. /// Linda: He got hit?
5) Ella: No, he looked up in time, but that- that’s not the point.
6) Ella, teary-eyed: The point is that helping him wasn’t my first thought. Or my second. Or my third. How messed up is that?
7) Linda: Ella, you’ve been coming to see me ever since you caught Pete, and over all that time, you’ve never taken a single day off. Maybe it’s catching up to you.
8) Ella: No. No, no, no. This job is what centers me, channels these thoughts into some kind of purpose.
9) Ella: The truth is, I’ve been this way my entire life. And I’ve hidden it from everyone. Dan, Chloe. Everyone thinks I’m a good person.
10) Ella, teary-eyed and distressed: I told Amenadiel that I would try to accept myself, but…how? How can I accept myself when thisdarkness is such a part of who I am?
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Okay, so when I was eight years old, I was in a really, really bad car wreck. And that’s when I saw her for the first time. And at first I thought she was just a figment of my imagination from the trauma, but she kept coming back. And- And then I thought she was just an imaginary friend, but as I got older, I realized she wasn’t imaginary, she was real, because she felt so, so real to me. And that’s when she told me she was a ghost. So I have a friend who is a ghost. Or at least- at least, I hope that’s what she is, ‘cause if it really is just all in my head, I’m legit crazy. Do you think I’m crazy?
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