one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

One of the hardest parts about trauma is overcoming hyper-independence and understanding that you don’t have to do everything by your own strength. That there’s no virtue in suffering and doing everything entirely on your own. That it’s okay to have expectations for how you want others to show up in your life, and those expectations don’t make you a burden. That having faith means letting go of the belief that everything is in your hands and instead trusting your future to someone greater than you.