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Why do I need everyone to like me?

Why do I think everyone is just as kind and thoughtful like me? Why?

Do you hear me? Do youu see me?

Dear Diary I want to disappear and live in my own planet.

Dear Diary if you hear me please help me

Dear Diary I don't want to be here anymore ☹️

Dear Diary, I hate being depressed and filled with anxiety. I hate these voices. Please take them away from me. I hate these very mean and cruel voices. I wish they would go away. I wish I was normal. I wish I could stop crying. I wish I could stop having to wipe these tears off my face. I wish I could stop seeing these puffy eyes. I wish killing myself wasn't the plan b. I wish something could truly make me feel better yet I'm so used to being so sad I don't want to get better. I'm just simply tired. I'm drained and I'm empty. I feel I have given my life to others. I have given my energy. I have let go in a way. I feel so empty. God I know this is a lesson but how many more lessons can I take until I break? How many more it's gonna be okays until it is okay? I don't like this. I dotn deserve this feeling. No one does. I hate feeling so disconnected from everyone including my own body.i hate having to tell myself im alive and this isn't all fake. I hate needing to snap back into my body. I hate speaking about how I feel and just sounding so lazy and bummy. I'm just so exhausted of feeling this way and nothing really helps. I hate feeling excluded or taked about. I hate the disappointed face I'm always given. Will I really make it past 18? Will I actually get to my goals in life? Will this all be worth it? Will this be the story I'll be able to talk to help others get thru it? Or will I just be the pretty sweet girl who killed herself with all different assumptions? Will i end up letting everyone win? When I die will you read this? Will you finally understand and help me feel seen? Will you finally understand why I act the way I act? Will it take me taking my life for others to finally truly see me or just see me in pitty? Will I ever get the life I want? Am I capable of being on the variety team? Are they right? Am I not capable? What if they said I was? What if everyone believed and supported me? Why do I need others to tho? Should I kms? Would that be the right choice or do I keep making people misunderstanding me and have me keep feeling this haunting feeling of hate for myself?

Dear Diary every with this you'll never truly understand me will you? No because to really understand me you'd have to have loved my life to know why I am the way I am and thinj the wya I do.

Dear Diary oh how i hope things will truly work out for me. I hope I do become the potential i see in myself and others see too but see it in a way of jealousy and hate to keep me from it.

Why am I letting you all win? Why am I now empty when I shop? Why doesn't anything really give me that not so empty feeling? When I speak on how I feel I am still not seen so why do I speak? I'm alive. I'm here right now but you still can't see me can you? So why don't I just become invisible? Why don't I just leave?

I just want to make the little kid in me happy by making my dreams come true but it's like something it's like myself is stopping me and the environment I'm in.

Fucking being pretty i just want to be seen

I want to be seen

I wnat to be loved

Most of all tho I want to be able to stop feeling so empty when I get that.

I want to feel like a living human again

I want to feel like I'm am real and I'm not just in a very long dream

I've lost touch with reality bc reality is scary, realistic, and not so hopeful. I hate this feeling and these thoughts no one can truly see. I hate being this walking thing.

Therapy is not so much helping

I just feel like this big waste of space

It feels like this is so uncurable

I feel like a mistake

I hate hearing others thoughts and energy's

I hate that I can't just have my own feeling

I feel what others feel just by a slight movement or change in body language

I hate this mask

I want to rip it off

I want to rip my skin off

I want to break out

I wish I wasn't a practice dummy

I hate this feeling, the voices, and these thoughts

All these words is me

I have so many words to say but nothing comes out

Why is my throat in knots everytimes I try to speak up?

Why am I this cool but very long book that no one wants to read?

Why do I feel like a forgotten childhood teddy bear that is just collecting dust in the attic?

Why am I seen as the cute puppy at an adoption center that people pet but when it comes to owning me all they do is abuse me or just don't take care of me right?

All these words repeated year after year but everything is still copy and pasted now

Here are some daily affirmations:

He's not my boyfriend, he's just my ex

Just because someone likes you doesn't mean they are right for you

Take things slow.

Stop oversharing so much

Just because someone gives you attention, that doesn't mean they love you or like you like you do for they too

Less than 80 days until summer

Everything is okay

I don't chase i attract

What belongs to me will simply find me

It's okay to not be okay

It's time to actually give up this mask I put up. I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws, and that's okay bc im human. It's time to actually change it, tho (if i can) instead of just dwelling on it. I'm tired of having this haunting feeling of my past. It's a gut-wrenching sickness feeling. Was it worth it? Probably not, especially over a dude...like who even am I anymore? I never want to lose myself due to that reason anymore. That was never me. I really needed this thi so maybe it was worth being so delusional and crazy and mindless just to gain all of it back FOR MYSELF. Not for everyone. I need to remind myself, "Why am I here? What is my purpose?". He dragged me down his dying endless hole so subtly. I had no clue until it was too late, but was it really? The way you get them is how you lose them. I need to be a dream girl to myself, not anyone else bc that's just a mask. That's just an act. It's just a facade. It's time to show me all the love and attention I seek from others bc what you seek from others is what you can be giving yourself. What you seek in others is what you lack for yourself. I know im capable of getting myself back and dropping him once and for all. It's time to reclaim the power I once had and have always had. It's time to use it on me now. It's time to let go of the past and walk into my new skin, my new mindset, and my best self. It's time to forgive and forget.......everything and everyone, including myself. I need a clean slat and clearing everyone who has hurt me. It will do justice for me to let go. I'm tired of the weights dragging me down since I was 9. I want to be free. I will be free. I will soon be THE Jomari again, but so truthfully this time. Nothing can stop me, but me.

People are dick riding me hard asf rn.

How the hell did I just find out from someone that isn't even on the team the drama that's going around rn about me???.......Tell me how I'm the last one to know...... I'm not really mad more, just okay, so my mom and me and him were right about you, mf. Specifically L. L is just drama. I dont know even why I told her. I need to understand, not everything NEEDS to be said to everyone. Doesn't matter if it's the same thing we are in or anything. Don't say shit. You can not trust anyone out here. This may be something that I asked from God. I asked, "God take anyone out of my life that is not meant to be in my life right now"

I'm not mad. I just know better now. I'm not mad at S that my place was taken by her. I'm not jealous or anything. I understand why and what I need to do to get it back. I'm not mad I just know now I do need to cut you off because all you are L is a girl full of drama, and you just wanna be relevant. You were me in 6th grade. Ma'am we are older than that. Act your age and get right. I may not have my life together right now, but honey, don't go around saying to get your life together bc ur isn't, and you act like it is with surface things. The way you act is a complete reflection of ur insecurities and it shows. I am not mad at you, I pity you. I hope you get out of that phase soon and get well, babes.

Anyway, I am choosing to be understanding than mad and sending the same energy back. Instead, I will distance, and this is probably what I needed to do this whole time. These people around me are probably what's causing this negative bubble I feel trapped in. I am not saying I'm better but I'm more mature in thoughts to understand not to try to get immediately mad and instead understand what's going in and make sure to 1 stand up for myself which doesn't mean I'm mean more confronting instead of hiding. I really could just distance and leave that energy alone and stop entertaining her with talking to her. I'm not sure if that's the right response to this, but I know everything will be okay and will pass over. This will be solved, and I will take some type of step.