★ ups ★

I had been toiling over poetry thoughts for my Recast babies for ages - I am thinking about putting a little something in each of their bios, though my skills are nowhere good as yours - and the watching, mirror, eye imagery lends itself so well for Mariah!Grace.

I feel like it simultaneously does work for Hannah and Grace, but you come away with two completely different reads, analyses and meanings subsequently. Grace has the implication of everything she does/goes through and the connection to Blinky/watching/eyes on her or her own, while Hannah has a massive tie to the Black and White, Webby and the general star stuff. Both are so fucking good!! But I'm here to analyse my baby, so sorry Hannah (but you are real and get tons of development, so it more than balances out).

Ooh, okay, so where to start?

Mariah!Grace is so traumatised by any narrative she's in. She's just really going through it. But I feel like that is kinda par for the course for religious women, from figures in the Bible to several notable Christian women in history. Particularly saints. Obviously Grace is not Catholic and only follows the worship Jesus/God theory, but Mariah!Grace has definitely had thoughts about it... if only for the acknowledgment and acceptance of worshipping women. And the aesthetic is up her alley. She does own a crucifix necklace over the W.W.J.D. bracelet, I can't imagine she'd refuse a rosary to pray with. Not the point just now, I thought it was worth noting.

Stars and stargazing

First, let's deconstruct the title. Stars Gazing. There is the obvious star tie in - StarKid, the Church of the Starry Children, the LiB logo being a star ergo the LiB themselves. The latter two Grace ends up gazing at herself in a sense, while they (plus StarKid) gaze back at her; all comes full circle. The stars in this poem for Grace in particular also represent Blinky's thousands of eyes that have been watching her every move, but they also represent the real people watching her, and we see this throughout the poem. Her parents expect the best from her, as does the Jerries, camp and the church, and probably her teachers too, watching with approval or disappointment. Her classmates judge her as some annoying nerdy prude, who watch her with more disdain. The dirty dudes who watch her like prey, something to catch and eat for their own pleasure. She in turn of course is watching them just the same, having to stay aware and alert of all of this. And in Recast!Holywebs (and probably a handful of other universes we have yet to create/discover) she probably gets Blinky's thousands of eyes, seeing as she is literally in his domain like Bill and Alice. Doomed to watch and to be watched.

The act of stargazing within itself is interesting. While most picture the fancy telescope and observatory gear, it can very easily and is more frequently done by anyone with simply their eyes on a preferably clear night. As we’ll get to later, the stars have various meanings/purposes that also add to the nature of stargazing, though not the point I’m trying to make here. Anyone can watch and gaze, at any point or time, which helps to emphasise the very real number of eyes or people (stars) watching Grace. It is fucking countless. It’s not even a particular skill, the interpretive and astrological aspect are the skills, the watching is just an ability taken for granted. With technology nowadays, phones and cameras, surveillance of people is equally numerous and constant. She will always be under the gaze of someone. Or something darker and more ominous hanging in the sky. But either way, she will not be entirely aware of it. Stars are not always visible.

Stargazing in literature symbolises many things, most commonly: navigation, guidance, hope, wishing and longing, spirituality, mortality/human weakness and fragility, and fate. A lot of those fall hand in hand with Grace’s character, the theming of stargazing does a brilliant job at illustrating that. Not as common nowadays, stars were symbols of direction as travellers and sailors used them as navigational points - within the context of Hatchetfield, as a made-up town with no actual stars, there could be a point of perhaps their star map reflects each of the Black Altars and the interconnection of the Lords in Black. On a more metaphorical level because of the interpretations and meanings given to stars across many cultures/religions, they also act as guidance and more advisory bodies outside of direction. The celestial system of stars often being attributed to the heavens and God in terms of Christianity, tying in with these themes of hope and spirituality. With these interpretations came the predictions based off stars as a way of telling the future, kings' astrologers often using the stars to predict whether or not his queen would give him a prince or not and whether a particular battle would end in victory. Giving the wrong prediction could lead to fatal consequences. In a similar vein, humans have also placed the idea of wishing on stars, further emphasising their light of hope in the dark when they have the chance of fulfilling wishes; the human longing placed on them makes them even more fantastical. The irony that Grace is wishing to stop being watched by the very things doing the watching.

In spite of all that hope and positive thinking, stars do also have the negative connotation of reminding us of are state of mortality, weakness and fragility. Humans are very small, minor beings when compared with the vastness of space, it helps to capture the looming threat of Blinky and the other Lords in this poem. She is just one pawn in their plan, whether or not they manage to corrupt and convert her onto their side, she'll just be another victim. She matters very little. She herself seems to recognise that towards the end in defeat. However, she does not refer to her own weakness and fragility, yet it is implicated throughout. She does not have the power to stop being watched. She can close her eyes for as long as she wants and shut out whatever she wishes, that is merely a bandaid solution, it will not actually solve anything or truly make her safe from watchful eyes. She is just oblivious.

Stars being plural rather than singular, however, does somewhat devoid the attachment of stargazing. Or at least the idea of a person doing it. The stars are the one doing the gazing. Sure, the whole poem follows Grace as she gazes at stars and considers/imagines them being the ones gazing at her, before she dismisses this entirely as it is not the logical answer, so it is still relevant, but the double edged knife and the reality is that she is the one being watched. You as the reader become one of those watchers. Intruding on her quiet moment of reflection and paranoia about being watched, proving while she may not entirely be right she’s not incredibly far off either. It seems to be an ongoing theme for Grace.

There is also the bonus point of stars being a symbol or descriptor for moles, freckles and other beauty spots on humans. Not a major point in this poem, it was just a neat tidbit I thought I would add as I finished off the star section.

Blinky, the Watcher with a thousand eyes

I do hope we get more LiB content with their specific NPMD character in the future, it seems like a lot of untapped potential. Pete and Tinky are the obvious one, and as said before definitely the one that doesn't need as much exploring - given both of them and Ted are very well-developed at this point. But Steph and the Lauters have insane tie to Nibbly that I need answers on, and the interconnections of Bill, Alice and Grace all being Blinky favourites is fascinating. Tell me there isn't timeline where Blinky fulfils Bill's wish of having Grace date Alice only to show him the horror that ensues - hopefully not entirely by Grace's hand, give my girl a different arc for once I BEG, explore different character facets, and it would be so fun to see Alice losing her shit instead - it literally writes itself! All that to say, in the meantime, I will personally explore all those ideas in my AUs.

What we do know is she is chosen by Blinky and has been watched by him the entire time. Blinky could have directed both lines to all three of the kids - he has plenty of eyes, he easily could have watched all three of them, but he only watched Grace. And while the line is said to Grace, by saying "someone has been a bit naughty" is not disclosing names. The assumption is Grace and Grace alone, but that is not quite true. Seeing as Pete and Steph have been equally naughty, if not more (at least in Grace's eyes). But it could also be argued that the line refers to Blinky himself. He has been naughty in watching her all this time, in her supposedly private moments, and getting plenty of amusement out of it. Giggling when Grace gasps and recoils in horror at this information.

Bill and Alice are going through a lot more physical shit during their encounter, so they don't really get much time to think about having been/being watched 24/7 by such a powerful entity and the following implications, but Grace does. She probably ends up haunted by that thought and paranoia for the rest of the NPMD timeline.

Within the context of the poem, the stars most directly embody Blinky's eyes. He is the one watching. A god at that, watching from the heavens. He is constantly there. It is unnatural for eyes to "be blinked out". God is omnipresent, even though she can't see him, and omniscient; he will always know what she is doing, but there is no window for her to ever see him back. But who is she to stop that? She is just one person, one woman, she has no title or powers or anything to make her worth it. God should not really be perceived by anyone - only someone that is truly worthy and devoted, at a push. It might be terrifying, but these are the ways of her god and the Bible says she is to trust that. He has been around for hundreds and thousand of years before her, he knows better than she does, she has no choice to accept it.

Blinky might not always be actively interacting with or watching her directly, but the haunting thought that he might be will freak her out enough to give him the entertainment he craves from watching humans suffer whenever his eye does fall on her.

However, he is not the only one. And might arguably be the less scary one. Yes, having something much worse than the devil watching your every move is terrifying and Blinky himself isn't above taking the pain/blood/guts he wants to see if push comes to shove, but that is never exactly relaid to Grace herself. The only one who is told this is Bill repeatedly and inadvertently Alice once, as she just happened to be with Bill in one of those moments. If Grace does get the Black Book and possibly reads more, she might learn and find out, yet would probably be too blinded by the idea she is loyal to the LiB and a favourite follower, thus would be safe from harm. Most of the time, she won't be given that truth or word of warning. As far as she knows, he is just watching. Uncomfortable but not dangerous. Or at least, lacks the claws and hands to grasp her.

The predators of men and beast that lurk around every corner, not so easily shut out as the stars move, are perhaps the more imminent and pressing threat.

Men and beast

Oh, this works so well for her with the lore of her fearing men as beast and then literally turning men to beast as a form of justice later on.

And it is such a direct connection to stargazing, with so many constellations being made to represent humans, animals and all sorts of mythical creatures. The stories/myths behind a lot of which are far from pleasant, tending to end up fairly unhappily or being particularly gory. Which again links back to Blinky and his love of gore.

I can't say for sure as I am not familiar with every star interpretation, but I think it is fair to say a lot of them are about men. This also adds to the piece again, isolating women like Grace from the matter and not giving them as much of a connection with the great celestial beyonds. The Lords in Black themselves, while shown to be fairly fluid in gender (partially because of casting), are more masculine presenting while the disgraced and dethroned Webby ends up being more feminine presenting. I don't think StarKid necessarily intended for that, yet the implications are there and relevant as fuck to Mariah!Grace specifically, who would definitely clock it and then ask a lot to questions to the Lords.

It is not all men, but it is enough that it is a problem.

When developing Recast Grace, I really liked the idea of playing on her canon-self's lack of awareness. What if she was aware? So Mariah!Grace is very aware of everything going on. She knows how her classmates feel about her, she knows Christians are far from perfect (eventually), she knows what dirty dudes are like and how they view her. Very, very aware. And for a Grace that ends up being very tied to her Lord, that worked out quite nicely.

I think I briefly mentioned it in an ask, but Mariah!Grace ditches her bathing suit years ago, following many comments on her changing body as a preteen. Most of the comments coming from boys - not ever limited to boys in her class, some in the years above. Some comments coming from the other girls at school or camp. As the over sexualisation of women's bodies is not limited to church and purity culture. I don't know if anyone's read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume or seen the recent movie adaptation, but the treatment of Laura is very relevant here. Where she's avoided, viciously gossiped about as a "loose woman" and judged by her classmates for her chest being developing more than the other girls.

Grace no longer follows the bathing suit shower rule. Initially took it off before getting into the shower, then soak it under the water before putting it on after she was done - just to complete the illusion she had. But very quickly dropped that. Partially as she grew out of it and detested the idea of getting another one, of having to acknowledge her body had changed. So she hasn't had one in years. She hasn't gone swimming either. If anyone asks, she says she can't. And anyone who knew she could swim prior, she just claims she isn't getting in because she either just ate, doesn't feel well or is staying in the shade as to not burn or worse, in her eyes, gain more moles. Following the myth tat moles are spots where you have been kissed. She is very self-conscious about her image and often caught wearing way too many layers. Oh, and also carries a parasol.

Growing her hair out was something she wanted. There was the added fact that in spite of everyone thinking she's dirty that she is actually very chaste, chaste enough that she could be trusted with such long hair before marriage, thus proving them all wrong and reclaiming some part of herself. Though by growing her hair out, she did also find it encouraged more of those views. Just something else for them to comment on. Another doll feature for boys to play with as she tries to talk through the halls and go to class. No matter how many detention slips she gives them, they won't go, and no matter how many times she cries to a teacher, they won't do anything to hurt Max and the rest of the football team's chances, so she is stuck. Prey for these beasts to play with until they finally decide to eat her.