ᴅɪsᴘᴏsᴀʙʟᴇ sᴇɴᴛᴏᴜᴋɪ [aυтoplay]

💔 ━ Ritsuka keeps his head down as it grows silent around them, the smell of Soubi’s cigarette burning out. The silence was fine, as long as Soubi wasn’t running away, he didn’t need to talk. Ritsuka glanced up at him to see a painful expression just before he finally spoke. It was a relief to hear his voice.

Carefully, Ritsuka inched closer. He knew forgiveness wasn’t something easily asked for, and he knew that forgiving Soubi would mean he could end up getting hurt again. Seimei could come in and order Soubi to leave him all over again… but maybe, if it did happen again, maybe he’d be strong enough to stop it. He had to start somewhere.

“I forgive you, Soubi. Of course I forgive you. It’s… not your fault.”

But it was his fault. It was his weakness, his ineptitude to rebel against commands heralded by another that caused Ritsuka to hurt, to feel the burn of hot tears upon his cheeks. He truly was a despicable kind of person, just as Seimei had berated him for. Soubi knew he had no right asking to be granted something like pardon, but the plea slipped from his lips as the coils of smoke from his cigarettes did and Ristuka he--he was just too kind.

And still, even with Ritsuka’s grace accorded, the Sentouki couldn’t bring himself to say much else. Pushing himself from his knees back to his feet where he just loomed on the spot, like a little child incapable of dictating his own actions, awaiting to be told what to do. 

💔 ━ It was Soubi. It really was Soubi. They made eye contact long enough for him to know he was seen. He was acknowledged. Then Soubi was turning away from him and Ritsuka’s heart sank. Half afraid he would walk away, Ritsuka stepped forward. No further steps were taken, and Soubi didn’t actually walk away. Ritsuka took this moment to check his surroundings, looking for others, for Seimei or that awful man Nisei. Neither were there, or so it seemed.

Even if they had been there, this was something Ritsuka had to do. He had resolved to find Soubi, and there he was standing right in front of him. It took him time to gather up the courage to close the distance between them. Every cautious step forward felt like walking on glass that crackled under his feet. He was certain Soubi hadn’t left because he wanted to, it had been all part of Seimei’s twisted game.

“Soubi?”

It didn’t seem like Soubi was going to run away, but he knew instantly that he felt ashamed, or maybe it was regret. Whatever it was, he knew Soubi was sad, and knowing that made his chest ache. Now he stood a few small feet away, his eyes falling to the ground at Soubi’s feet.

“…I’m not mad… Soubi. I’m… I’m glad to see you. Are you… okay?”

Ritsuka knew now the terrible things his brother was capable of. He could only hope he hadn’t been that awful to Soubi.

Footsteps encroached further into his space and still, Soubi’s feet remained firmly rooted to the asphalt curb beneath them. He’d received no explicit instruction to stay away from Ristuka should an encounter arise, though Seimei had conducted everything in his power to ensure the two wouldn’t be crossing paths until the very moment he decided on. 

Regardless of that hopeful work around, deep down Soubi knew the older Aoyagi would thoroughly disapprove of their aleatory reunion. The bandages concealing his scars felt more constricting suddenly, like the invisible fingers of his master were tugging at their edges, choking the free will out of him pull by pull. But more than his innate incapability of disobeying orders, he thinks, he knows that he is doubtlessly unworthy of Ritsuka.

As though a mute, Soubi stubbornly clung to his silence long after the other’s words had reached him again. Arms cinched around his torso, gaze downcast in solid refusal to look up and rekindle any eye contact. He drew the moment out for a long time, at least he thinks it’s a long time, not entirely calculating the moment between then and when he’d completely unravelled, brought to his knees in front of the younger boy.

@disposablesentouki

💔 ━ It wasn’t easy trying to adjust to this weird situation. Ritsuka had only been in the city for a few days, and he really missed home. Yuiko, Natsuo, Youji, Yayoi, his mother, and… Soubi. Ritsuka had been missing Soubi long before he was brought to this strange city.

Ritsuka tried not to think about what Seimei did. He still loved his brother, even as he showed a side of himself that was terrible. He wanted to understand why. Why did everyone lie? Why was he left in the dark about these things? Thinking about all of it just made his heart ache.

He had been distracted by a male with long blond hair before, Soubi crossing his mind at the time. When he looked again though, it really did seem to be Soubi. He was standing further down the sidewalk, and Ritsuka couldn’t help the first reaction to run toward him.

“SOUBI!”

If it really was Soubi, Ritsuka needed to know that he was okay. But, if it really was Soubi, did that mean Seimei was nearby? As he got closer, Ritsuka’s sprint turned into a slow trot until he stopped completely just a few feet away. His heart was pounding, and it wasn’t because he ran.

Suddenly he felt his nerves creep up on him. He was thinking, what if he was seeing things? What if this wasn’t Soubi. Or worse, what if it was Soubi, and he didn’t want to see him?

“…Soubi?”

Despondency, spills and seeps into the lines of his visage until they’re flooded with the unmistakable taint of gloom. A number of days elapsed since Soubi’s arrival and memories of when he’d last slept or eaten anything of substance were non existent. It didn’t matter anyway, his rupture from Seimie yielded no relief - a separation present only in its physical form. The name carved in thorns around his neck transcended every form of distance, a fate eternally binding.

Puffing away on an umpteenth stick of nicotine, the one thing Soubi could still dredge up enough energy to to pursue, his eyes roved listlessly over the transitory blur of citizens walking past. A husk of a person, not even that, a thing, reclined against the iron palisades encompassing the current District’s park until a voice so crushing in its familiarity breathed an ember of life back into him. His intrinsic reaction is to instantly perk from the dejected stance, gaze veering off to the side where it stops and hones in on the younger male.

Deep, deep in the recesses of his chest did Soubi then feel a sharp, unbearable pang. Unable to fix his temporary Sacrifice in the eye for longer than the split second it took for him to realise who he was looking at. He didn’t want Ritsuka to see him, didn’t want him anywhere close, he wasn’t going to be the source of the other’s tears, not again.

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