Light of my Life

This is how that one scene in KH2 went, right???

Context: Joker Junior incident happens, Bruce locks Tim in Arkham for two years, Jason comes back and adopts this sad wet cat clown child, basically... Also, Steph is Spoiler and hates Batman, as she should.

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Random goon: Is... Is it safe for, uh, him to have a gun..?

Tim, spinning in a swivel chair while holding two guns: Weeeeeee!!!

Jason: Sure. Why?

Goon: . . . No reason.

—

Jason: Why would I work with you?

Bruce: Because this case involves both of us.

Jason: Hmm, I'll need to discuss with my associates.

Bruce: Your wha—

Jason: Spoiler, Little Red, opinions?

Stephanie, on comms: Uh, Tim needs a better code name, and also kick Batman in the dick.

Jason: On it.

Jason, kicking Dick in the shin:

Dick: OW!?

Jason: Now what?

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Tim: If I'm insane then why can I do this?!

Tim, proceeds to do a flip:

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Stephanie: Hey, hey, let's both out on Spoiler costumes and see if Jason can tell us apart.

Tim: You have boobs! It'll be obvious!

Stephanie: Bet.

thirty minutes later...

Jason: . . .

Stephanie: C'mon, be so for real.

Tim: I'm actually concerned.

Jason: WELL ONE OF YOU STUFFED A BRA!

Tim: TO EQUAL THE PLAYING FIELDS!

Stephanie: I literally am taller.

Jason: How do I know one of ya ain't wearin' heels!? Y'know what? F#-$ this, I'm callin' Selina...

—

Black Mask: Okay, who are you?

Jason: The Red Hood.

Black Mask: Okay, you're the one I want dead. Good. But who is she?

Stephanie: Batman.

Black Mask: No, you're not.

Stephanie: Am too!

Jason: She basically is.

Black Mask: No—

Stephanie: Sounds sexist. You sexist?

Black Mask: I—

Jason: Ooo, he is! Can't believe this. To her face?

Stephanie: To my face?!

Black Mask: I am gonna shoot you both!

Stephanie: Do it. P#-$#. No balls.

Black Mask: Are you actually antagonizing me right now? I am the Black Mask!

Jason: I'm the Red Hood. Red is cooler.

Black Mask: No, it's not!

Jason: Are you arguing with me about colours? Wow, so childish.

Stephanie: So childish.

Black Mask: . . . Okay, I'm gonna kill you both now.

Dick, knocking him out from behind: That was your guys' idea of a distraction!?

Bruce: That was reckless.

Stephanie: Well you wouldn't let us bring Tim!

Tim, cackling from the shadows: I'm here anyways!

Jason: TIMOTHY, I TOLD YOU TO STAY YOUR A&# HOME!

Tim: I WAS UNDERSTIMULATED! D:<

—

Talia, over the phone: So how is your revenge plans working out for you, Jason?

Jason, looking over at Tim and Stephanie who are painting each other's nails while My Little Pony plays in the background: Uhh...

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Tim: Can I have coffee?

Jason: . . . Sure.

Tim: Yay!

Tim, takes a sip and promptly starts choking: WHAT IS THAT!?

Jason: Coffee?

Tim: I hate it.

Jason: Thought ya would.

Tim: I'd rather do weed with Crane again than that!

Jason: What?

Tim: What?

—

Bruce, at a gala, staring in horror as Jason and Tim show up in disguise: Dick... Dick!?

Dick: Oh, my gods...

Tim, proceeding to sneak over to Lex Luther and Kon:

Jason: Tim, no.

Tim: >:)

Jason: This is an undercover mission. Stay away from the kryptonian!

Tim: CONNOR! :D

Kon: TIM! :D

Jason, face palming as they begin to greet one another like overactive puppies:

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Stephanie: Woah, you're gonna teach me to fight in heels!?

Selina: It's a skill all girls should know.

Tim, in the background, trying to balance in heels:

Selina: And Tim.

—

Harvey, in Arkham, gesturing wildly to a traumatized Tim: Why the f#-&$ is a toddler here?!

Ivy: I think it's Joker's.

Crane: Mm, no, Joker looked more German. This kid looks French.

Clayface: Can confirm, there's a difference.

Harvey, gesturing wildly to Tim: HE'S LIKE EIGHT!? HE IS SMALL!? D:

Crane: Batman will pick a fight with anything, damn.

Ivy: All in agreement to rub this in Batman's face anytime we see him?

Everyone: Yup.

Tim, crying on the floor: Batmaaaan...

—

Bernard, on TikTok live: And this is Crime Alley! Notoriously ran by the Red Hood, Spoiler, and Catwoman! Though there's rumors that the escaped inmate known as Joker Juni—

Tim: Hi.

Bernard:

Bernard, brain failing: Hi?

Tim: Whatchu doin'?

Bernard: Uh... I'm... Who are you???

Tim: An escaped inmate from Arkham.

Tim: Wanna see my favorite places? :D

Bernard, playfully: Is it a date?

Tim, taking his free hand: Sure!

Bernard, brain failing:

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Stephanie: Did he kidnap you?

Bernard: Huh? No! I... Well... No?

Tim: My collection of blondes continues... I wonder if I can convince Kon to dye his hair?

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Kon: You're really pretty.

Tim, drawing on Kon's face: I know :D

—

Tim, in a sing song voice: Guess who hacked the pentagon!

Dick : Nice shirt you have, bro.

Jason: No problem. I mean, thanks bro.

Dami : >tt< Mine is the best.

Duke : *confused smiling* Well, this is not what I expected.

He thought that Bruce sending his bio son to train with the league of assasins makes sense. I mean Bruce sent Tim off to lady shiva right?

--

Talia: oh, I assure you, he's yours.

Bruce: ...

Damian: don't be so surprised father.

Tim, jumping down from the ceiling: oh hi Damian. Hey Talia.

Talia, with a sigh: hello detective.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: you know Tim?

Damian: of course. He showed up and asked to train with me. Grandfather is rather fond of him. Him and that insolent Todd.

Bruce: Todd?

Yu Tendo, and only Yu Tendo, should be able to break the fourth wall and this should never be explained.

Ryuga actually speaking a different language specific to his clan and just being so annoyed/angry that these very loud children will not leave him alone for some unfathomable reason.

Madoka should get to punch at least one person per season, quote, "as a treat".

There should be a montage of every time Demure has pointed out lions in the distance and Kyoya looked despite him not being able to see said lions.

Quote: "Will someone please get Nile some noise cancelling headphones, he keeps complaining about how loud everything is, clearly he needs them!"

We should get to see Gan Gan Galaxy try to get through American airport security cause that must have been a breeze. In fact, they suggested we watch every team that ends up in America try to get through airport security.

The DJs deserve to have a day where they can be as sarcastic and annoyed as they want during their announcing during battles with no consequences.

The amount of insisting on we should get to see how the hell Ryo landed that job went on for ten minutes. One called him an inspiration.

Gayblade?? On my wplace??

Big thanks to @qloof @masterofdemise and our dear friend junginton for contributing <3

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Extras below cut:

“Did you know where I’m from the rivers are yellow not blue”

“Why”

“Because eh the sand”