can’t shake the devil sitting on my shoulder

i do have this great and unshakeable paranoia that my partner is just settling because we’re both big ages but that’s honestly a problem for future me. if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work. it’ll be devastating but not the end of the world. plan b if i get dumped unceremoniously (again) is to fuck off to the midwest and either way i’ll have saved some money by moving in together even if it doesn’t end in marriage. i want it to, like, desperately, but also i am not going to pretend that is the only outcome.

i also need to see if i can be happy on the east coast (is it just nj i have a problem with and philly will be fine or is the beef truly coastal) before i can commit to being like “yes ill stay here forever”. so TBD!