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i bet i've made hundreds of pieces of art and i swear i only like maybe 2 things. i'm feeling so over everything right now. i havent made music in weeks and honestly i feel completely fine about that. my paintings have been pissing me off and i dont think any of it is representing who i am or what i want to be presenting to the world through my art. it's all feeling so stale. some of my photography is pretty decent especially my portrait work but i don't do it very often. i wanna be making things all the time, i want to have all the time i need, but then what's the point if i hate it all anyway. there are certain styles of art i really like and would love to incorporate into my own work. but it seems impossible sometimes. i feel like at this stage in my life i would have a better grasp on my identity and style as an artist and yet it just feels further and further away. im so tiredddd...

i started a painting today since i have the day off only to realize at the beginning that this is not the direction i want to go in at all. and some times, especially lately, it's like i've forgotten how to paint. it's so frustrating. i know things. and yet they elude me at times. i keep putting my head in my hands in defeat as i type this lmao.