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iambrillyant 

No shit

I have seen a few of these posts, of saying, this is what I want, this is what I need, do this to me.

First of fucking all, if you are a submissive, you get no demands.  What makes you think, or anyone think, they are entitled to anything?  Please.  For my fucking humor, TELL a Dominant what to do. I want to watch that bitch slap in person.

Another thing, did you ever stop to think that maybe since you have all these demands and expectations, that your approach to this whole thing just MIGHT be the reason why you don’t have a real Dom/Master/Sir/Daddy?  It is the epitome of stupidity to demand anything.

A good Dom will not be predictable.  You think this is going to happen YOUR way?  Think the fuck again.  If he caters to your demands and patronizes you, the HE is your bitch, not your Dom. (i.e. what I call a bitch dom)

Thank you for telling me everything you want.  So that I can DENY them from you and make you beg for months.  Yes please, lay all your fucking cards down on the table and let me rip them up.

Hint for the clueless: Instead say that you have a list of kinks or soft limits that you want to explore with a Dom.  To discuss and to be guided and led. That you have had thoughts or feelings about certain things.

But please, demand one thing.  Imply that you are ENTITLED.

I want to get the popcorn and watch that shit.  And watch you get the exact opposite of what you want.  Please do that.

So I read this a few times. I think it comes down to communication. In my work {which is not actually limited to putting my fist through the eyeballs of abusive men, despite popular belief} communication is an art form. Everything we say must be packaged for its audience. Your ideas, your desires must be marketed to the listener. In this case, we imagine a woman addressing A Dom.

The OP is expressing his desire for a certain kind of packaging. As a communicator, a woman considering a relationship with this sort of man must make a choice: either, she can market herself the way he wants, or she can find a man who likes the unwrapped, unpackaged, naked version of who she is.

I will be honest and admit that, given that this is obviously directed at women {if the OP is directing it at gay men, I apologise}, it is very uncomfortable for me to read this kind of language aimed at a woman. To disparage women in this way {”what makes you think you are entitled to anything?” “it is the epitome of stupidity”}, threatening violence {”I want to watch that bitch slap in person”}, and blaming them for being single {”did you ever stop to think that maybe since you have all these demands and expectations … MIGHT be the reason why you don’t have a real Dom?”} and to speak out angrily {the tone is, to my mind, unambiguously angry} about issues of intimacy – to me these are not the language patterns of an honourable man, but I don’t know the OP, so I will limit myself to admitting I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of a man speaking in this tone and utilising these speech patterns toward women in general.

I think most interesting is this:

Thank you for telling me everything you want.  So that I can DENY them from you and make you beg for months.  Yes please, lay all your fucking cards down on the table and let me rip them up.

What this means is that he wants a partner who knows what she wants, and then lies about it or hides it so that he doesn’t know which things to deny her, in order to insure she will be unfulfilled and unsatisfied. This reminds me of the man you told me about who, when you told him that you hated nipple torture, said, “oh good, now I know how to punish you.” 

{In my field, we have terms for this behaviour but I’m on break at the moment, so I’ll refrain from taking it in that direction.}

To me, this is an example of a person who enters a relationship with plans to undermine his partner, setting her up to be dishonest in order to be safe and cared for. This is an example of negative intimacy, it is the pushing away in order to keep close. In my experience, it’s not associated with high relationship satisfaction, but, of course, there are exceptions, and some women may thrive on deception, manipulation, and coercion to get their needs met.

To my beautiful woman specifically:

You are entitled to be safe, sheltered, protected, and carefully watched over at all times by the man whose honour it is to do so.

You are entitled to have your needs understood, discussed openly and honestly, questioned and poked at for deeper understanding, and taken seriously.

You are entitled to be respected as a person, a woman, a lover, a sexual agent, a partner, and a friend.

You are entitled to come to me, to tell me what you need, what you want, what you dream about, what you’re so shy to admit you can’t even say it to yourself, what things happen in your brain when you’re lost in sexual arousal.

You are entitled to dignity, to be listened and spoken to as if you are well-meaning, not to be scolded for self-expression, not to be threatened with violence or repercussions for opening your vulnerable heart to me.

You are entitled to have and share those powerful desires that set your body burning, and to bring them to me with your voice shaking, but heard.

You are entitled to my effort to provide for your needs to the best of my ability, as far as I am able, and without fear that I go past my own limits.

You are entitled to feel free and encouraged to speak openly about what feels good to you, what feels exciting but a little scary, what feels overwhelming, what feels like too much, what feels unappealing, what feels wrong, what felt good before but not anymore – and to be listened to carefully and attentively.

You are entitled to say “nah”. To say “I’ve had enough.” To say “yes! I mean… on second thought… no.” To say “hahaha silly Lion, heck no!” To say “I’m not sure.” To say “let’s talk about this again.” To say “I love to fantasise about this with you, but I don’t think I want to do it.” To say “I enjoy this better as a fantasy.” And I will always, always hear and obey. You don’t need a “safeword” {though you have them} because all your words are safe.

You are entitled to make demands. If I refuse you something, my Love, it is to protect you, temporarily to heighten the experience for you, or to uphold my own right of consent, but never to make you feel uncared for, disrespected, marginalised, or unworthy of love and attention.

You are entitled n.e.v.e.r. to hear the word “idiot” directed from me to you. To be told that the way you communicate is “the epitome of stupidity”. To be threatened with repercussions – including violence – for attempting to seek the expressions of love that work best for you.

For clarity, this was aimed at a few posts I saw months ago, and a trend of “submissive” women posting things with a tone of specific demands and entitlement. It’s like a script has been written and the Dom is to follow it.  It’s the wrong way to communicate wants and needs and you know it is, even though “every word is safe [my blessed Juliet]”. Barf. But to each their own.

Its obvious a submissive can demand a safe word and hard limits. I have never seen a submissive “bill of rights” that I disagreed with. 

I agree with all of your points except “you are entitled to make demands” or “never hear the word idiot”.

I personally don’t walk on eggshells like you do to protect the fragility of the female ego.  I expect more thick skin than that.  More honesty, more anger, rants, less of a wooing, emotional honey dripping posture that you have. I am glad that works for you.  I will remember to seek your loving comfort when my pet fish dies before we flush him down the toilet.

And the point “some women may thrive on deception, manipulation and coercsion to get their needs met”… obvious attempt to inflate your own ego there Tender Heart.  Be sure to lock the door tonight so all the women won’t break in.  Or that your “one woman” won’t die in sheer delight and estacy of your tender essence.

My post was in the context of a BDSM scene and I am not sure you understand the kinks that encompass that.  Many others do.

So glad you agreed with all my points but 2, after wiping up your puke. She hears the word “idiot” alllll the time from me. Just not directed at her, because I choose not to form intimate relationships with idiots. 

I’m trying to decide if you are insulting me for having one partner or if you are doubting that I am monogamous with her, so since I can’t tell, I’ll let it go.

Yeah I definitely don’t understand all the BDSM kinks. There’s some nasty ones. Race play for example. What the fuck, ew. I work to understand the ones that are relevant in my own relationship, and the ones I need to understand for work, and the rest, meh.

@lion-of-exarchia, always the grown-up, with your first aid kit…. ;))

I think I have an ego boost/bust kink.  Including my own.  I know I am an idiot at times.