idk how to explain it but im never truly comfortable with the way people insinuate that all older folks are inherently bigoted. it always feels like it kind of hand-waves away personal responsibility like ohhhh grandpa cant help homophobic, hes old. well ive met plenty of older folks who are normal about gay people. i think grandpa could be better. i think we should hold grandpa to higher standards.
I've told this story a lot of times, but my in-laws went from "my father-in-law told my wife 'it's better to marry than to burn' when she came out to them for the first time, as bi, in the late 90s" to "leaving their shitty regressive church, helping build their new church's Pride float, and then opening their home to act as sponsors and a landing space for two trans women fleeing persecution in Central America, who they call 'our girls' and who call them Mom and Dad and check in with them weekly from their new home together as a married couple on the East Coast with their paperwork all sorted."
And on the other hand, I wrote my biological father a letter a few months ago calling him out on the shit he was saying to family about the trans people who are his kids and grandkids, and he tried to lie to my face about it while saying "it's just my traditional ways."
My FIL is in frequent contact with all of his children and is visited by them regularly. My father's grandkids haven't spoken to him in years, and 2/3 of his children don't talk to him at all. My mom respects our names & pronouns, even if she doesn't "get it" or whatever,* and I text with her pretty much every day.
It's Granddad's choice whether or not he wants to be lonely.
*tbh, you can't make someone "get it". At my age, as long as someone treats me with respect, whatever goes on in their head and heart is between them and their God and is nothing to do with me.
My grandma is a dyed-in-the-wool Southern Baptist and I admit I was nervous about coming out to her as trans, so my auntie (who is more like a big sister to me) offered to tell her. And my grandma's response was "Well I don't understand it per se, but I'm proud of you for being who you are." And then she went to my auntie, who is a doctor, and was like "so clearly things have changed since I was last in biology class, explain me how this works because clearly there is a gap in my education here and I want to understand." (which my aunt did, s/o to my aunt who works at a children's hospital and has had trans patients). Like did I think my grandma would freak out? No. Was I still nervous? Yes. But her response was so awesome and heartening, and this is a woman in her late 80s.
