Would you like Ranch with that?

my heart exploded

Its a squeaky floof

tag urself i’m trash

@kiwiflame DEATH

English teachers can either be the coolest teacher you ever had or the worst thing ever

we have a nice sliding scale at my high school. on one hand, you have mr pena, who is a favorite of most students. easy-going, gets off-topic often, has questionable grading weights. on the OTHER hand, you have mrs row, who is arguably more of a “real” teacher, but is generally disliked because of how much work she gives out, regular and project-orientated, and how much assignments tend to weigh. her case is unfortunately not helped at this time either, because she’s currently pregnant, which is reportedly affecting her disposition. @universikittie can confirm

Mr. Pena is the teacher that you dream of. “Ex-cop-from-Chicago, high-school-teacher, obsessed-with-super-heros, had-a-dog-who-he-ran-over, was–actually-a-bully-in-school, kind-of-teacher,” like mention his opinion on the latest Alvin and the Chipmunk movies and he will go in a straight fangirl mode on the class. Oh lets not forget when Mr Pena paid me five fucking dollars to say “Go Bears!!” At the end of the pledge at school. Sure as hell he fucking whipped out that five right in front of the class… But now lets not forget Mrs. Coach Row. Remember ladies she is a cheerleading coach. And married the football coach. Don’t know how much more cliche it can get than that.

How about a shout out to the people who have “ugly” symptoms like obsessing over others, having fits of rage, idolizing people, debating their validity constantly, crying over the tiniest things, depending on others for validation. Shout out to the people who are so frustrated with not being able to control their own mind. You guys rock. I understand that feeling and I’m here for you.

to the people whose only friends are Netflix, their laptop, phone and their pet... 

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

Y'all suspect af😂

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

if you plan to start a fire in the victims house, clog the dryer up with lint and loose wire...