Goofy Kids Saying Silly Things

We’re in the car, on the way to pick up my mom. We’re listening to music and actively singing along.

Dee: *out of nowhere* God and his friend are playing a game. It’s called “Dee and Mom in the car!

Me: Oh yeah? That sounds like a good game. 

Dee: Yeah! And God is the car!

About 10 minutes later, a couple of minutes after we’ve picked up my mom.

We are watching an “important” college football game. Our team is losing.

We’re sitting in the car, listening to music. I realize this song contains a “bad word” and try to skip forward but don’t get to it in time.

Em: Mom, are they saying a bad word?

Me: They are adults using adult language, yes.

Dee: What bad word are they saying?

Em: The F word.

Brief pause.

We’re browsing this really neat store that has a lot of stuff by local artists/crafters.

Em: Hi hi!

Owner: Hi!

Em: What’s this?

Owner: That’s a dancing stick.

Brief pause.

Em is being weighed and measure at the doctor’s office.

Nurse: Looks like you’re 4 feet, 1 inch!

We’re visiting a new doctor for the first time.

Nurse: Does she have any allergies?

Me: None that we’re aware of.

Dee: I’m allergic... to.... scaring frogs.

Sitting at the dinner table.

Em: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Em: I think I know how to throw a harpoon.

Dee and Em come into our room to ask about what’s for breakfast.

Dad: *joking* Mommy and I have decided to just live off of our body fat until we die so you guys can fend for yourselves. 

All four of us are sitting around the table, eating dinner. Em: Mom, what’s an inside joke? Me: I explained that to you just a few hours ago.

Em: Oh, right.

Dee doesn’t seem to be paying attention until he pipes up with...

Dee: Is there an outside joke?

The kids are eating oatmeal for breakfast while I work on dishes nearby. Em: Mom, I think I know why I like a lot of meats.

After family and friends kept getting a kick out of the random things my kids come up with, I thought others might get a smile from them too. Here are today’s happenings.

I’m playing a solitaire game on my tablet. Dee has watched me fail a level several times in a row.

Dee: Mom, maybe you should try to do better than losing.

A few more tries go by.

Dee: What if the screen got tired of you losing so it just switched to a different level?

A couple more. By this point he’s gotten the gist of how the game works.

Dee: *very quietly* You’re going to lose.