unclepedia

Everyone tells him to play the piano because of his long, long fingers. But the fingers have no bones, so he just sits in silence.

Walks around with coins on his eyes. Can't bend his joints and speaks in groans, but we kinda get what hes saying

From a planet of sentient gas creatures. Inexplicably french

Fell in a vat of Apple Juice. It did some joker shit to him but not very well.

Proprietor of bug mush. He's sustained on rhythm and rhyme

Four uncles in one. They only have one eye, which they trade between themselves in order to see.

Keeps shining laser pointers into flying planes, but has yet to find one that isn't empty

Takes life slow. The years pass him by and he placidly smiles. The moss that grows on him is considered a delicacy, and when we tried to carbon date him we got an overflow error.

Has access to a fifth cardinal direction. He's a cartographer who is laughed at in his field because no one can see what he sees.

He has spent his life scraping away stone with his specialized claws. It's slow work, and he dreams of the day when the tunnels collapse and bring the people of the light world down to meet him.

A rippling wad of muscles that slosh like the sea. Two tiger arms poke through like Palm trees on an island. Once spent 100 days studying sword swallowing before realizing he has no mouth.

Performs unlicensed handshakes. Wanted by johnny law.

Sometimes appears in capsule games. You have to take care of him when he does

Destroys all nearby written information unintentionally

Smaller than you can even imagine