Dear Nobody

Honestly, I had never really put a ton of thought into it when I was younger. I mean yea, I knew it was awful, yea I knew it was real. But, here’s the thing; I grew up in a very small town. Now I’m talking a town full of white people, we had one family that was black, maybe two or three that were Filipino. But that’s it. And we all loved each other. However, I do also know that they did face some low level racism. But it never occurred to me just how bad the world really is.

Now as a 31 year old living in a big city, filled with different races and cultures, I see it more and more. Now as a white woman dating an Arab man, I see and experience it more and more.

Last year my boyfriend and I took my daughter (not his, mine from a previous relationship) to a summer fair near my hometown. This fair was located in another small town very close to my hometown. I didn’t think anything of it. When we got there, my boyfriend immediately was uncomfortable. There was no one there of any other race/ethnicity/culture aside from white. Again, this didn’t even cross my mind, because this is where I grew up. This is what I was used to. We had gone to one of the barns on the fair grounds to watch an exotic animals show. We were sitting down when my brother had called me, so I excused myself and stepped out of the barn to take the call. I came back and my boyfriend quietly explained to me that he was incredibly uncomfortable because the lady that was sitting beside me kept staring at him, and then staring at my daughter and giving him dirty looks. I then noticed it. I noticed how anytime he would rest his hand on my leg, she would look over and scoff. I noticed that if we were holding hands she would give us dirty looks. I noticed that if my daughter even acknowledged him, this lady would be blown away. Being me, I was about to say something. I’m not a confrontational kind of person, in fact, I tend to avoid it and just leave situations that I feel are hostile. My boyfriend could tell that I was about to explode on this lady and lose my mind. He was able to just get me to calm down and mind my own. Reminding me that we are not in the city, that it’s not the “norm” for these people. Fine. I bit my tongue.

But it shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t be worried to bring my boyfriend around my family. (Not my immediate family, they have met him and love him. I’m talking my aunts, uncles, cousins & grandma). I’m terrified because they are all incredibly religious. My cousin had dated a black girl once when we were in high school and it was met with a lot of scrutiny from my family. To be completely honest, I don’t even get along with 97% of my family. I generally avoid family gatherings. I don’t have most of them on social media. I don’t keep in touch, but that’s a story for another post. But I want to be able to take my boyfriend to my grandparents (now my father’s) farm to show him where I grew up. To show him how I lived as a child. But it’s impossible with them all there all the time. They are the most judgemental people I’ve ever met. They have never liked any of my boyfriends, and they have all been white before my current partner. Maybe it’s just because they don’t like me.