Now, Emily, calm yourself.
I'm calm and now, you're getting hit with potatoes.


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@umosment
Now, Emily, calm yourself.
I'm calm and now, you're getting hit with potatoes.

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Emily! How are you?
I'm pretty good, co complaints. How are you?
That part of my phone is taken.
By me?
You stink.
No I don't, smell my butt.
Now I don’t believe that you showered.
But I did, smell me. I smell like green apples.

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Yes. It shows how lazy you truly are under all that potato throwing.
I save the potato throwing for when I'm really hyper. I'll make an exception if you want me to throw some at you right now, though.
I've been so tired lately. The only thing I had motivation to do is eat and use the bathroom. I mean, it was an actual struggle to convince myself to get up and shower. Is that bad?
It’s October. Someone be spooky with me.
Eh, I don't feel like it. Pretend I am.
You guys just don’t understand how excited I am for Gone Girl and it’s not just because I get to see Ben Affleck’s fun toy.
You should take a picture and set it as your wallpaper on your phone.
Hello hello.

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See, why do you have to do this?
I lost my soul to a woman so heartless. How could you be so heartless?
Halloween costume ideas.
Make them boogers or else.
You do that and get back at me on that, will yah? I guess I can get you so fries, but what would you give me in return?
Nah, I'll keep that to myself. Don't guess, get them and you'll get a nice pat on your back.
How am I being weird, Emily?
Never mind. Anyway, how was your birthday?

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I didn’t. You did.
You're full of shit.
May or may have not dressed all my kids in orange today to make them look like pumpkins. Definitely didn’t do that.
Next time, dress them in green and make them look like boogers.