no use crying over spilt milk.

“Oooh.”

Adora calmly responded. Yikes, she thought.

“Well, uh…” Adora paused, trying to think of what to say. “What makes you think that? That she’s so much better than you, I mean.”

Adora probably shouldn’t have asked such a blunt question, but, it wasn’t like the two of them would have noticed how rude it was. They were both terrible conservationists, clearly.

“Made her smile? Oh, you mean like, tell her a joke?” Yeah, you don’t seem that funny. “You should try knock knock jokes. Those are hilarious.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. In fact I shouldn’t have even opened up my mouth. I don’t know why I keep doing that.” 

It took everything Shuichi had to not fall to his knees and stop apologizing in public. He had embarrassed himself enough already for one day. 

Besides, Shuichi knew what type of girl this was. There were stars in her eyes. She saw everyone as brighter than they really were. They were the kind of person who never left you alone once they caught sight of you. That was the kind of person he had the hardest time dealing with, because he just wished people would give up on him already. 

Shuichi gave an exhausted sigh. He was tired of himself. He didn’t want her to think he was tired of her, though. He was almost enjoying it. Talking to someone. It was better than hiding in his dark apartment room alone. 

“Somebody told me you looked like an owl.” 

Shuichi paused, waiting for her to get it.  ... ... ...

Himiko suddenly stopped what she was doing, turning around quickly towards Shuichi– she enjoyed messing with him aplenty, but when it came to the subject of romance… well, those were serious! The most serious thing that anyone could talk about!

“Oh, come on!” She groaned, using her arms to form a ‘X’ motion, as if to veto all of the things he was saying. “You can’t do it like that!”

Himiko reached out, grasping Shuichi by the shoulders, as if she were about to shake him with all of her might.

“You’ve got to be honest– with yourself, and the person you like! Even if things don’t work out, then at least you won’t have any regrets!”

She was smiling, and for a moment it was almost like Himiko was being genuinely friendly; perhaps in her mind, she was, even when she continued to speak.

“And, besides, if it doesn’t work out, you can just kill her.”

For a moment Shuichi forgot how intensely uncomfortable he was in this situation, or rather any situation, all of his fears in regards to this girl, and that he was a coward, and when she started to laugh he even laughed with her. Every once in awhile he could do this, enjoy himself a little bit.

However then she said it. You can just kill her. He felt the blood drain out of his cheeks. Himiko's hands on him, felt cold and sopping wet, the disgusting, fetid, touch of a corpse. He pushed her off looking utterly revolted.

"S-sorry." He weakly apologized a moment after. It's just, her hands were so heavy on him, he felt like his chest was going to collapse. He would go into a cold shock, and start hyperventilating. He really was weak. He couldn't even handle a basic conversation without freaking out.

“I…” Kaede caught herself before she continued speaking, her entire face slowly beginning to burn a bright red. “Well, uh….”

Kaede swallowed, hard.

“I don’t… think you’re useless.”

Slowly, awkwardly, they entered the apartment. Kaede had no idea if her roommates were here or not, but hoped that only herself and Shuichi were inside. She let go of his hand, though not without their fingers lingering for a moment too long.

“That’s okay,” she began.

“Just knowing you here is such a relief…”

Kaede’s face still burned red, even when they said their ‘good-nights’ and even after she was inside her own room. How childish, how embarrassing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m completely useless. I haven’t even done anything for you yet.” 

Shuichi was painfully honest with his feelings. He made Kaede watch as he belittled himself again and again in front of her, even though it was honestly just cringeworthy. He still trailed behind her like a puppy afraid to raise his head. He waited until after she had closed the door, and rested his head against the other side.

“I mean, I can’t even touch you.” 

Kaede was no longer there, he was whispering it to himself. He would probably die from embarrassment if she overheard. Even if he had been lying to her all day, the truth had to come out eventually. 

Of course, he was confessing the truth in the most cowardly and pathetic way possible. 

“Even if you wanted it... I’d be too afraid, that you’d just disappear when it was over.” 

Himiko was already browsing through the clothing racks as soon as they entered. It was if she had just dragged Shuichi into the store for the simple act of doing so; once they were inside, she would ignore him again. How cruel.

Well, Himiko was just like that, after all.

Yet, when Shuichi did pose his so-called hypothetical question to her, Himiko’s head perked up.

“If she’s too self-centered, she wouldn’t notice you even if you dressed differently.” Her words were cold, but Himiko did not stop there. “So, if you want her to notice you, you’ve got to do something that she couldn’t ignore.”

“So, obviously, you should just tell her how you feel. The more direct you are, the harder it is to ignore or misunderstand!”

"I can't tell her how I really feel. Do you want me to die or something? Is that what you want?" That was a distinct possibility, and one he was afraid of, considering the mean blonde girl had drawn a knife on him before.

However, Shuichi was so riled up at the moment he forgot his fear. Instead of staring at his feet like a scared puppy, he looked her directly in the eyes.

"Telling her the truth. That's like the number one guaranteed way to make her hate me. I mean nobody would ever like me for me. Have you met me? Do you like me? See, I'm right and you know it."

“hey, kid!” wazy shouts at the young male after finally finding him. he’s usually never that kind, and he could have just solved the issue by easily handing over the lost object to the lost-and-found; and despite beeing in spiral for several weeks now, he still gets lost.

but at the same time… thanks to a certain detective, that has ran into his life way before he arrived to spiral, he has learned on how to be kind and be a helper for the society. still, sometimes it seems like a joke just thinking about it.

approaching the boy from behind, he has decided to place something on his head– a cap, that the stranger allegedly forgot to retrieve after leaving the bench he had been sitting on.

“i guess this nice cap belongs to you.”

@ultimatedefective​

There were several things Shuichi was bad at, talking to new people was one of them. He wished there was some kind of manual for this. 

“You don’t have to lie, I know I look like a total dork in that hat.” 

Shuichi said, looking spitefully at the blue cap Wazy just offerd him. He knew it was a bad idea to go outside dressed like that, he should have just stayed inside like he wanted to, and oh now he was spiraling. 

Shuichi took a breath to calm himself, because a complete stranger probably did not want to be subjected to his neuroses. He liked to annoy his friends with that side of him instead. “My name’s Shuichi. Thanks. You look like a nice guy.”

“Oh, uh… it’s okay. I kind of get what you mean.” She herself had trouble communicating with others, but not like this. “You can keep talking. I mean, I guess, we’re both still talking, soooo.”

This wasn’t a very productive conversation.

“Uhhh.” More awkward pauses.

“I have friends. Two of them are here.” Catra could be considered a friend, right? Right?

“I mean, I have more friends back home, but… two people I know are here right now. Do you have people you know here like that?”

“I have a friend, but she’s way too good for me.” 

Shuichi freely admitted, for the whole world to ear. 

He knew he was making things even more awkward, but he didn’t know how to stop. That was the tragedy of Shuichi Saihara’s social life. As he grew more nervous it was only going to get worse from here. 

“I’m kind of afraid she’ll realize. To be honest.” 

Shuichi wanted to pull his hat over his head and hide again but he had promised to stop doing that. 

Kaede was barely paying attention, leaning on Shuichi and holding his hand, far too exhausted to focus on much more than walking in a straight line. She had been to her new apartment before, but had not gone out of her way to meet her roommates, much less her neighbors. So, Shuichi’s sudden realization was what snapped her to attention (instead of his fumbling of words earlier).

“Huh…?”

She looked at the apartment door, then Shuichi, and back again. Suddenly, she smiled.

“Oh, what a relief!” Realizing what she just said, Kaede blushed. “I-I mean… I’m glad we live near each other… incase we need each other…”

Just like Shuichi, she began to misspeak; could they blame it on exhaustion?

“Well, no I don’t. Is that alright? It’s scary, being in a new place without anyone you know… We’ve already lived through that, I don’t want to do it again.”

“What would you need me for? I’m pretty much useless.” 

What could she possibly need him for in the middle of the night. Shuichi’s entire face turned red as he realized. he wanted to run away right then, but leaving Kaede alone was the worst thing he could do. 

Well, it wasn’t the worst thing he could... No. Kaede and him had finally agreed to be friends he wasn’t going to ruin it. Besides, there was no way someone as bright as her... The truth was she didn’t even need him. 

Her head was reeling from both the pain, her earlier crying, and the thoughts still swirling around in her troubled mind. Shuichi’s touch was the only thing keeping her upright, keeping her from flying off into the air by her neck again. Kaede’s grip on him tightened, afraid to let go.

“Yeah,” she mumbled softly.

“I mean, uhm, yes please… If you don’t mind. I… I don’t want to be alone, right now.”

I don’t want to be away from you.

She couldn’t say that, no, it would be too…

Kaede sighed, heavily, still clutching onto Shuichi’s hand.

“Ri-right… Can we go, then? I need to, uhm, sit down…”

“Heavy...”

The weight of another person’s hand in his own. This person he relied so much on was finally relying on him. Shuichi was so overwhelmed for a moment he mumbled it without thinking. 

“W-wait, I didn’t mean that like you’re fat or anything. IT’s fine even if you are heavy because most of your weight is in your chest-” 

Shuichi felt like dying all of a sudden, even though right then and there he had already made a promise to live for her sake from now on. He stayed silent for the rest of the walk home, too embarrassed to say anything. 

Shuichi looked up from his feet to see where they had walked. 

“Your room is right next to mine. Oh.”

He said with a tiny gasp. 

“Well, if you need me to come over in the middle of the night then I can. I mean, not like that. What I mean is...” 

“What.”

Adora found it harder and harder to ignore Shuichi’s comments. So, she laughed a little too awkwardly. He had to be joking… right?

She really hoped he was joking.

“Uh, yeah, I think it’s supposed to be raining today…”

While she was initially pleased with the change in conversation, the direction it took annoyed her in a way she hoped wouldn’t show.

“Psh, whatever! I’m totally strong. Strong enough to carry your stuff, carry you even, and, uh… y’know, other stuff too!”

“Besides, you don’t even need a lot of muscles to be strong. I know plenty of people without muscles who are really, really strong.”

“Did I overshare again?”

Shuichi already felt himself beginning to sweat. He always wondered why it was people like this who tripped him up. She was a bit like Kaito, straightforward, passionate, someone who immediately made himself helpful to others. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, it’s just every time I open my mouth I tend to bum people out. I should really stop talking now.” 

Shuichi looked for an oppurtunity to run away, however in that moment he calculated that even if he tried to run, Adora could probably run faster than him and would not let him escape. Which meant he was stuck with her on the whole walk home. 

Adora was, thankfully, oblivious to the awkward nature of his questioning. That, or the awkwardness of their initial interaction was so terrible by comparison that his words were easy enough to ignore.

“I do!” She gives a short, forced laugh. “They’re just… not on this island. You know what I mean?”

“I’m so not lonely. Like at all.” She lied, like a liar.

“I help people all the time. It’s kind of my thing. What, do people not help you often? That’s a shame. I guess it’s a good thing you ran into me.”

Just as he was trying to speak in order to fill the silence, Adora began to do the same, easily dominating the conversation he had started.

“Well, I guess I understand. None of my friends are here right now either. They all kind of killed each other...wait nevermind, forget I said that.”

Shuichi really was the human embodiment of a bummer. He really needed to learn not to bring that up in normal conversation. It was strange being outside the killing game though, even if he had technically escaped that high school he just wound up trapped again. 

“I’m trying not to rely on others as much...” 

Shuichi said as he nervously trailed behind her. He looked like a shadow compared to her light, skulking behind her and looking generally dark and gloomy. 

Himiko’s smile finally returned. It was like she hadn’t even been upset at all. Clearly, she did not care about how obviously fake all of her pouting had been. A fight was fun, sure, but seeing Shuichi give up was even more amusing. 

So, with the groceries completely forgotten, her hair much cleaner than earlier, Himiko began dragging Shuichi around as she pleased. They were in the heart of a variety of shops, so Himiko was intent on taking advantage of both this fact and Shuichi himself.

She hummed as they went, pleased that she got her way (again).

“Then you can carry stuff for me. Your noodle arms have got to be good for something.”

Shuichi could not bear to see someone else upset. He was so bad at dealing with other people, that he did not seem to notice she was merely stringing along.

He just stood there next to her. Shaking in his designer black boots. He was overly sensitive to every single noise she made.

"I actually work out you know. I just don't look like it."

Shuichi muttered to himself. Now he was the one pouting.

"I wouldn't make you carry this stuff anyway. I'm a nice guy - wait, no every guy who says they're a nice guy turns out to be a creep. Forget I just said that!"

Shuichi was as usual overanalyzing every single thing he said. Then suddenly, he saw a girl with blonde hair off in the distance.

Her crying, even her breathing, halted for a moment when he began to speak. Despite her fear, despite the despair she was feeling, the sound of Shuichi’s voice was what she still so desperately wanted to hear and to cling to. 

In fact, hearing that he lived, hearing that he even remembered their promise, it made her happy… at first. Then, she pondered, why wasn’t she allowed to live? Oh, right, because she was a murderer. Murderers weren’t allowed to live, and Shuichi wouldn’t ever have stooped as low as she did. Jealousy, rage, relief, they and more emotions all bubbled up inside her until she felt she might vomit.

Shuichi didn’t do anything wrong. It was all her fault, including this. Even now, he could still smile and try to reach out to her. He had lived, because he was stronger than she was, and thinking of these truths just hurt so badly.

“No…” She finally croaked out, her voice breaking immediately. “This was all… everything’s my fault.”

“I just, I just can’t understand what you’re thinking… you still want to be around me, you still like me, even though I don’t deserve it… What’s so special about a murderer like me? I hate myself for it, so–so why don’t you?”

She continued to cry as she spoke, unable to hold back her tears.

She was the only one he never should have lied to. But he lied to her. He was going to keep lying to her. Every time he was around her the only thing that came out of his mouth were lies, so how could he possibly tell her what he was really feeling right now. 

“Because I like you...”

Shuichi had a guilty look on his face, like he was confessing to some crime. However, he heard a screaming in his head as he suddenly put the brakes on that confession. 

“L-like. As a friend. You’re like my first friend so...” 

Shuichi put his hands on both of her shoulders. He was unwilling to let go, no matter how many times she beat him off. He knew he was weaker than anyone else, but at times he was oddly persistent. He was just as stubborn as she was, even if it meant they had to butt heads.

Which he did. He only meant to bop her forehead slightly against his but he did it too hard and slammed his forehead into hers. He just wanted her to stop crying for a moment. And. To see her face up close.