Mishie

John 1:29: "Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!

💭 O — Observation What is God teaching me through this passage? What does it reveal about God, people, or life?

God is God, and that truth alone is enough.

What amazes me about John is how unwavering his faith was. He remained steadfast in what God had called him to do, even when people questioned him, doubted him, and mocked him. He had never personally known Jesus before His ministry began, yet he faithfully prepared the way for Him, baptizing people and proclaiming the message God had entrusted to him. His confidence wasn't rooted in people's approval—it was rooted in God's calling.

It reminds me that in life, there will always be people who doubt us, question our intentions, or fail to understand the path we're on. But like John, we are not called to seek validation from others. We are called to remain faithful to what God has asked of us, trusting that His approval is the only one that truly matters.

❤️ A — Application How can I apply this truth to my life today or this week? What needs to change in me?

This week, I want to be more intentional with both my thoughts and my actions. I've realized that saying I have faith in God means very little if the way I live doesn't reflect that faith. I don't want my relationship with Him to exist only in my prayers—I want it to be evident in the way I think, speak, and live each day.

One prayer I've always held close to my heart is to walk through life with Him. Lately, though, I've noticed how far I've drifted. I've become consumed by my own thoughts, my own desires, and my own worries. Instead of holding on to God's truth, I allowed worldly desires, negativity, and anxiety to occupy my mind.

I don't expect to change overnight, but I do want to change—one small step at a time. This week, I want to slow down and become more mindful. Before I react, I want to pause and reflect. Before I let anxious or negative thoughts take root, I want to surrender them to God. I know it won't always be easy, but I want every decision I make to bring me one step closer to becoming the person He is calling me to be.

🙏 P — Prayer

Lord, I pray for Your guidance and wisdom as I navigate each day. Give me the courage to resist worldly desires and the strength to overcome the negative thoughts that seek to steal the hope You've placed in my heart. Help me to guard my mind, fix my eyes on Your truth, and find peace in Your presence.

Tonight, I finally opened my Bible again.

I prayed for wisdom, for clarity, and for God to help me understand what was happening inside me. And in His gentle way, He answered.

I realized that I often tell myself I have faith, that I love God, and that I trust Him. But when I looked at my actions, they weren't always reflecting what I claimed to believe. I kept returning to old habits, chasing temporary comforts, entertaining thoughts that pulled me away from Him instead of drawing me closer.

I think that's what hurts the most.. I wasn't lost because I didn't know better. I was fully aware. I knew when I was choosing my own desires over surrender. I knew when I was feeding my mind with things that didn't bring me peace. And still, I chose them.

But maybe that's exactly why grace feels so overwhelming.

Even after wandering, God still welcomed me back. No condemnation. Just an open invitation to return.

Tonight reminded me that coming back to Him is never about perfection. It's simply about saying, "Lord, I'm here again."

And somehow... that was enough to bring peace back into my heart.

I took a break from my usual afternoon walks and jogs because of the nonstop rainy weather. During my last few walks, I came home completely soaked, and now that the skies have finally cleared and the afternoons are beautiful again, I'm dealing with a painful ear infection. The pain radiates from my ear to my head and neck, making it difficult to sleep without taking pain medication. It's frustrating to finally have the perfect weather but not be well enough to enjoy it.

One thing I noticed while staying indoors was how quickly my mood changed. The longer I stayed home, the more I found myself overthinking everything. It made me realize just how much my daily afternoon walks contribute to my mental well-being. I used to think of them as simple exercise, but they're so much more than that. They help quiet my mind, regulate my emotions, and give me the space to breathe.

Another realization I've had lately is how easily I've fallen into being materialistic. I catch myself endlessly browsing online shops and Facebook Marketplace, adding things to my cart on impulse. But when I pause and look around my home, I'm reminded of how much I already have. I have more than enough, and I'm incredibly blessed. That moment of gratitude has been a gentle reminder that contentment isn't found in buying more things but in appreciating what's already in front of me.

My mental health has been a roller coaster recently, and I have to admit that I haven't always handled it well. Without realizing it, I started taking out my frustrations on my fiancé. That realization hit me one afternoon when I finally slowed down, sat with my thoughts, and reflected on the past few days. It wasn't an easy thing to admit, but it was an important one. He deserves my patience just as much as I deserve understanding.

I'm looking forward to the day I'm fully healed. My ear is still swollen, and the pain hasn't completely gone away, but I can't wait to get back outside. Maybe tomorrow I'll go for a short, gentle stroll—nothing too strenuous, just enough to clear my head and help regulate my emotions.

Ironically, he's my partner, but it doesn't always feel that way. At least not emotionally. He's a great provider, and I appreciate everything he does for us. But emotionally, he's been absent for quite some time now. Maybe he doesn't know how to show it, or maybe he simply doesn't care as much as I wish he would.

What hurt the most was hearing him say that he felt uncared for because I didn't cook for him. The comment lingered in my mind long after our conversation ended. I know there were times when I didn't cook, but I also remember the many times that I did. It feels painful when the moments I tried seem overshadowed by the moments I fell short.

Even though we're miles apart now, I still carry the exhaustion and anxiety from that difficult season. The tension, the hurt, and the emotional weight of those days never fully left me. Sometimes it feels as though we're both looking back at the same experience through different lenses, each carrying wounds the other cannot fully see.

That phase was hard for the both of us. We learned so much about each other that we do not agree on. I'm confrontational while he avoids it.

Here I am again, lying awake with my thoughts racing through my mind.

Lately, they have been stirring up feelings of doubt and insecurity, especially when it comes to my relationship. Our situation has always been one of my deepest insecurities. We've been living together for years now, and while there is so much love between us, there are moments when I find myself caught between hope and disappointment.

I understand that our financial situation has played a big part in why we have not officially tied the knot yet. I know life has not been easy, and I know there are practical reasons behind the delay. But if I'm being honest with myself, there is a small, hidden part of me that wonders if I am the only one who gets excited about the thought of marriage. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one thinking about it.

He has promised me that we will get married one day, and I hold on to that promise. Yet as the months pass, I notice that he rarely or never brings up the subject or initiates conversations about our future wedding. The silence has slowly become a source of anxiety for me.

I find myself asking difficult questions. What if he isn't truly ready? What if he only feels obligated because of our current situation? What if, under different circumstances, marriage wouldn't even be on his mind right now?

I've tried my best to bury these insecurities and focus on the good things in our relationship. I remind myself of his love, his loyalty, and all the ways he shows up for me every day. But sometimes, despite my efforts, these thoughts find their way back into my heart. The longer the silence lasts, the louder my fears become.

A conversation we had about his ex has also lingered in my mind. He once gave her a ring, and to me, a ring has always symbolized a promise of something deeper and more intentional. He has reassured me countless times that it meant nothing significant, yet there are moments when my heart struggles to fully accept that explanation.

God knows everything that has been weighing on my heart lately. He sees the tears I don't shed, the questions I don't ask out loud, and the fears I try so hard to silence. It saddens me more than I care to admit, but despite it all, I still choose hope.

I know God hears my prayers. I know He understands the desires of my heart better than anyone else ever could. And so today, I choose to surrender these worries to Him. I release my fears, my doubts, and my need for certainty.

Whatever His will is for my life, I trust that it will be far better than anything I could force or plan on my own.

A lot has happened over the past week, and my heart feels so full thinking about it all.

I finally got to spend beautiful, meaningful time with my family, especially with Mama, after such a long while. It became one of those memories I know I’ll quietly hold close to my heart for a very long time.

We went on a little family getaway to celebrate both my birthday and Mother’s Day. Nothing extravagant, just a simple overnight stay filled with good food, laughter, and togetherness. We prepared meals, spent time wading around the pool for almost an hour, and simply enjoyed the water and each other’s company. We talked, laughed, and shared little moments that felt so warm and comforting.

Before all of that, Baba prepared a surprise for Mama. He bought her a bouquet of roses and a cake for Mother’s Day. Seeing Mama so happy, and a little emotional, touched me deeply. It was such a soft and beautiful moment for our family.

Lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern between us. Whenever we talk about finances, it often leads to miscommunication and heightened emotions. I find myself becoming sensitive every time additional expenses come up—things like household needs, groceries, or emergencies. These aren’t luxuries. In fact, I rarely spend on myself at all. I can’t even remember the last time I bought something as simple as a facial wash or any personal item without hesitation.

And yet, whenever I bring these things up—especially when payments are due—I feel anxious. It’s hard to even start the conversation because I already expect a reaction. There’s always something to say about it, and it makes me feel like I have to justify needs that are, in reality, essential. This resource I rely on isn’t something I misuse—it’s something I depend on.

What makes it more difficult is how our conversations end. When I try to explain my side or express how I feel, it often gets dismissed. He says he’s tired, and the discussion stops there. But when I try to stand my ground, I’m labeled as “nagging.” It leaves me feeling unheard and exhausted.

After four years together, it’s painful to feel like I’m still not fully understood. I’m left questioning where I stand and how I’m supposed to communicate anymore. I don’t want conflict—I want clarity, understanding, and a space where I can speak without feeling like I’m doing something wrong.