SJ

the trade off of a skylight bright in the summer sun morning yawning

His right leg up on a base of some bamboo pole holding string lights, open and facing toward her like that boy in high school did to me in the moment I knew he liked me

The images of his hands in her hair for a little longer than the rest of us watching thought would last, his arms across her chest and sweet hand just touching under her right breast, that’s bigger than mine

Perception as torture

And yet and yet,

What do I want but to witness Love and see, sex and the human condition

2:14am

I think about you every day, much of the time.

I ran into [REDACTED], then [REDACTED] & [REDACTED], at [the event in part of town with the bar where we first met], and was glad for it because it made me feel more myself. More connected to you and like the past few months happened.

At one of the bars down there, I waited in line for the bathroom, and kept picturing your face looking in through the open windows; imagining how you’d look walking in, how you’d look at me, with sweet knowing fire in your eyes. How special I’d feel that you know me, like this, in front of all these people.

Tonight I’m in the blue light on accident. It feels peaceful and pure and makes me not want to watch the pornography I was about to look up.

I’ll listen to the pure feelings and shut my phone off for the night. I’d rather think about us in the blue light.