♥

We can't ibuprofen our way outta this one boys

This post was meant as a joke but it has come to my attention that literally none of us are ok

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

i taught my boss the meaning and usage of “yeet” after i accidentally let it slip in the office and a day later he walks up to my desk and says “i just yeeted you an email” with a completely straight face and i nearly bowled over

FISH NO

FISH PLEASE YOU COULD GET HURT

if naruto was here none of this would have happened

tumblr staff has small [CENSORED] energy

*stuffs my pussy with oatmeal* breakfast is ready

*hogs squealing*

maybe this is why they’re deleting tumblr

Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before saying “do you think you’re ready” in my voice and I screamed and drove away

from now on the system is gonna skip from 68 notes straight to 70 just to be safe

can’t believe language was invented. like everyone was chill and quiet and then one day someone just started saying some shit