うちはイタチ @uchihaa-itachi - Tumblr Blog

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senjutsunade

Do you even understand what 'enough' means, Uchiha? I do wonder at times.

@uchihaa-itachi

uchihaa-itachi

Please don't. We ran out of caffeine yesterday.

Unless your 'wondering' leads to money growing on trees. Then wonder away.

@senjutsunade

#detective verse #dont bait him #please #he's an asshole #just ask sasuke

"So I propose themed calendars. New Year’s is right around the corner. The profit margin could be…considerable."

She pauses, smirking.

"And if we stroke his ego hard enough, we might even convince my narcissistic godfather to pose for a photo."

Itachi’s smile is small and sharp - like he’s already drafting the invoice in his head. “First: semantics. We are not ‘selling pictures.’ We are licensing images as part of a limited-edition fundraising product line that happens to be aggressively photogenic.”

He ticks points off with two fingers.

“Second: distribution. We pick channels based on control.”

“Print-on-demand for the civilian version - bookstores, charity shops, the kind of places where no one asks why March is titled ‘Spring wears Wool’. Digital sales through our own site so we keep the data. Social teasers on the kind of platforms we find Izumo and Kotetsu on.”

A beat.

“Third: Madara.”

Itachi’s tone goes flatter, which somehow makes it worse.

“We do not ‘convince’ that fossil who refuses to look his age. We give him a theme and imply someone else might do it better.”

He looks at Tsunade, unimpressed but amused.

“He’ll show up out of spite and call it charity. I’ll call it brand alignment. We will both be lying.”

@senjutsunade

#senjutsunade #we'll be rich #the agency will have airconditioning #blindincandescence #detective verse

historias-multorum

"Whatever my brother's doing, I'm 75% sure it's legal."

@uchihaa-itachi

uchihaa-itachi

"Your confidence in me is inspiring, otouto."

@historas-multorum

historias-multorum

"It increased since the holidays, it used to be 50."

uchihaa-itachi

"Touched."

A beat.

"Let me know if you'd like the family discount."

#clearly sasuke hasn't been traumatized enough #ahem #dash shenanigans

historias-multorum

"Whatever my brother's doing, I'm 75% sure it's legal."

@uchihaa-itachi

uchihaa-itachi

"Your confidence in me is inspiring, otouto."

@historas-multorum

#historas-multorum

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senjutsunade

Apparently not a very common thing. Should get us extra money.

@uchihaa-itachi || @tentaiiled

uchihaa-itachi

There's a reason these pictures are Uchiha property.

@senjutsunade || @tentaiiled

angelofamegakure

Konan would frame a picture of Obito crying in the guest bathroom. Just saying.

uchihaa-itachi

Interesting proposal. If you place an order with me, I could get you the family discount.

#Uchihathings

@angelofamegakure

angelofamegakure

Hands him the Akatsuki card. "Im thinking next years Christmas cards, t-shirts and an A3 canvas."

uchihaa-itachi

Accepts the card. "Done. Pleasure doing business with you, Konan san."

Pause.

"Would you like a dartboard too? We have close-up shots."

#obito has eyelashes #thank you for the business #this dying heir is indebted to your patronage

senjutsunade

"May I have two copies of Uchiha Obito crying, please? I will pay."

"Let me consult my collogue."

A pause.

"Oi, Itachi." She hisses at said collogue. "This may help us keep the agency running after all. Why didn't you think of this before?!"

@uchihaa-itachi

uchihaa-itachi

"Hm." Cue a thoughtful hum.

"Only if he pays in actual currency. We can't accept alcohol as payment anymore."

A beat. Cue a pointed look at Tsunade.

@senjutsunade

#senjutsunade #detective verse

senjutsunade

Quit bullying Obito. (if he cries I'm going to charge you by the second)

No!

He cries and we're taking pictures.

uchihaa-itachi

Itachi sighs. Takes off his glasses.

And looks.

Only if I get copyrights. He's Uchiha, after all.

@senjutsunade

senjutsunade

You can contact Nagato for the copyrights. And don't let him charge us. Family doesn't get billed.

@uchihaa-itachi

uchihaa-itachi

I'll add that under 'enrichment' in our itemized itinerary.

Pause.

I've heard he's popular. We could sell his tears on the darkweb - or donate them to science. Either way, it might be useful.

@senjutsunade

#blindincandescence #detective verse

angelofamegakure

Konan would frame a picture of Obito crying in the guest bathroom. Just saying.

uchihaa-itachi

Interesting proposal. If you place an order with me, I could get you the family discount.

#Uchihathings

@angelofamegakure

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its too late. obito is already crying and silently freaking out... h e l p

Don't worry, cousin.

I'll ensure your dignity survives.

#tentaiiled #obito you sweet pure hearted being #>:D

senjutsunade

Quit bullying Obito. (if he cries I'm going to charge you by the second)

No!

He cries and we're taking pictures.

uchihaa-itachi

Itachi sighs. Takes off his glasses.

And looks.

Only if I get copyrights. He's Uchiha, after all.

@senjutsunade

#senjutsunade #detective verse

senjutsunade

If I suddenly die?

Know CI did it...

Do not allow the sparkles to make you doubt. u-u

@uchihaa-itachi Cuz generational hatred as motive for murder sounds more dramatically appropriate to SOMEONE.

uchihaa-itachi

It has to be a special kind of kekkei genkai to render someone unable to use measurements.

Guess that explains why Senju genes didn't get far.

@senjutsunade

senjutsunade

...now why the fuck would I know random chicken measurements you lunatic?

Who even....ughhh. Its you. Why am I even surprised?

Senju genetics got sick of Uchiha drama and decided ending was better.

Didn't know one Uchiha Itachi will end that problem. uwu The Senju' clan appreciate your services.

uchihaa-itachi

I never specified which measurements. Regardless, you're incapable of using any.

Also, incorrect. Senju genetics defenestrated themselves out of the gene pool due to lack of survival instincts.

The fact that I have to spell it out for you is laughable.

@senjutsunade

P.s. What Senju clan?

senjutsunade

If I suddenly die?

Know CI did it...

Do not allow the sparkles to make you doubt. u-u

@uchihaa-itachi Cuz generational hatred as motive for murder sounds more dramatically appropriate to SOMEONE.

uchihaa-itachi

It has to be a special kind of kekkei genkai to render someone unable to use measurements.

Guess that explains why Senju genes didn't get far.

@senjutsunade

#ooc babble and shit #oh shut up #add 'dramatic' to your failed bloodline limit too

adhdnojutsu

Itachi got Kakashi a birthday present!

uchihaa-itachi

@konohagakurekakashi

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lokorum

watching tlou reminded me of another revenge story that ended totally well and nothing bad happened to anyone :))))

boosty | patreon

mayskalih

choose your professor: selection of naruto men in stem academia au

Zabuza: Astrophysics (cosmology). Swears he'll quit academia tomorrow but never does.

Kakashi: Theoretical Physics (not sure what's his expertise but leaning towards statistical physics). Can't function without coffee, brings his dog to the office.

Sasori: Forensic Chemistry. Researches the perfect crime. Probably commited one.

Itachi: Mathematics (Number Theory). Quit academia, works in a hedge fund.

Shisui: Bioinformatics. Comes from academia family. Doesn't care, just there to have fun.

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