nadia

recovery turned into a whole binge episode

i think your mind is full of things i'd like to be. you're like the coolest person ever, knowing about everything, working, studying, being funny, being yourself. i'd like to be like you but i can't, so i'd like you to be mine. i dont know if you're too much for me, if you'd like me, if you'd be mine, if you'd enjoy my presence. i was the coolest person i know before i met you, i was the deepest person ever until i listened to you. im just a dumb without any words in her mouth in front of you even though im a poet to everyone else, you got me dumbfounded. i cant find words to describe how i feel around you. i wanna be cool, i wanna be deep, i wanna be funny, i wanna be beautiful with you. but im none of them around you. im not even myself around you. you make me feel not enough, not in a bad way, in a way that im frustrated and annoyed with myself, but never a bad way. i wanna prove myself to you but every time i try i feel like a fool, a bottle in the ocean, lost, i dont know, you make me feel things and i have no idea what to call it.

theres nothing cute or aesthetic about being fucking anorexic or bulimic. stop trying to turn it into an aesthetic and hide the true and disgusting sides of this disorder.

how does eating all your emotions down feel?

i never thought it would get any worse tf is going on?

slowly killing yourself never felt better.

all i needed was a hug but stuffing my mouth also works.