ucanstandalone

I've suffered with anxiety, depression, and self harm since I was twelve years old. I spoke to a counselor for a few months until I thought I was fine enough to deal with it on my own. It gets hard though. I have this mental illness that I can't express into words. I disguise it well behind an outgoing personality and constant smile. I'm better now than I ever was before. Some days are harder than most but I manage to pull through it. The problem is, it's hard knowing that i'll probably always suffer with this and that i've never had the support of my family. I tried telling them when I was fifteen because my school wanted me to see a therapist but my parents didn't see the need for it. It's been a few years and I yearn for their support. I want them to be aware of what I am going through so that they can understand and be here for me. I just don't know how they'll react or if it's even necessary. I have amazing friends who are constantly holding me up and supporting me but I want my family to fulfill that role as well. I just don't know where to start..

Honestly, just when I start to get comfortable in my own skin, I see that all of my friends are fit and flawless. At least to me they are. It's hard being around that all of the time. They're inadvertently making me feel worse about myseld than I already do. I need to work on not comparing myself to others, especially my friends. It's all i've ever done, though..

At first I was reluctant to attend counseling. To me it had always had a negative attachment to it. I didn't like the idea of someone else judging me while I handed them my whole heart on a plate. But that isn't how it happened. My counselor was patient with me. I didn't trust her at first. I held a lot of things in and I waited for her reaction before I continued on. After my first appointment it turned into a weekly thing. Because of this, I thought that I was more damaged than I had ever realized. I felt more broken because of it. Each meeting as I recounted the memories that were my triggers, the pain came rushing in. What was an hour had felt like triple that. I was completely broken and with each horrible memory, I only broke more. I hated it. I hated feeling that pain all over again. But I continued to go. I owed it to myself to at least try and get better. I was addicted to hurting myself and I was frequently in a state of depression. Time passed and I was finally able to talk about my past without the pain consuming me. It turns out that each time I shared a piece of it that I was letting it go. Nothing can compare to that feeling. I now have alternate ways of dealing with my triggers and with my insecurities. I am able to reminisce of the past without completely breaking down. I do have moments of weakness where I succumb to the pain but i'm much stronger than I have ever been. All I ever had was myself to lean on. With counseling, I was able to find my own wings and set myself free. It doesn't go away forever but it lessens. That's all I ever really wanted. Don't let the fear of what might happen stop you from trying. Because you deserve to try.

Like the facebook.com/ucanstandalone facebook page and stay tuned for information on the stand alone project. It's important that we stand alone, but standing together is even more important.