In each other's eyes, and then they kiss, there is technically no express consent, but it feels weird to me that it could be considered sexual assault. And similarly, if in a couple that usually has sex, after idk some heavy kissing or something that similarly sets a mood, one of the two touches the other in a sexual way, but without express consent, it still feels weird to me that that could be called rape. Do you think the last 2 cases would constitute sexual assault? And if so, why? 2/2
Consent does not necessarily need to be completely verbal. There are people who are incapable of giving verbal consent because of differences in ability (some people cannot verbalize or struggle to articulate verbally for multiple reasons or they are physically unable to speak, but that alone does not make them incapable of giving consent). However, both verbal and non-verbal consent does need to be:- Voluntary (not at all coerced or pressured, with no risk if consequences for refusing to give consent. It also cannot be achieved when there us an imbalance of power at play. [i.e. between a teacher and student, a boss and a subordinate/employee, etc.)- Ongoing (this may mean slowing down and regularly checking in with the person to make sure they are still comfortable, and/or reassuring them that you can stop or slow down if they would like.)- Revocable (at any time someone can choose to stop the activity and will have their wishes respected without being made to feel guilty, being pressured to keep going, etc.)- Enthusiastic (the other person is fully participating and giving clear physical indications that they are okay with what is happening. If you want to be completely sure that you are reading their physical queues right it is always okay to ask before continuing.)- Sober (when someone is unable to make clear, rational decisions due to the influence of drugs or alcohol, or is incapable of giving consent because they are incapacitated they cannot give consent.)- Informed (every person must know what is going to happen in advance, including whether contraceptives/barriers will be used, what they will be engaging in before moving on to a new activity, and what kind of encounter it is [i.e. all parties should know if it is a casual hookup or the beginning of a relationship, etc.])- Not assumed (no matter what your relationship status is, how long you have been together, whether you have been intimate before, whether you have engaged in other intimate activities, etc., consent must always be obtained and you cannot assume that you have it by default. This doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out process if you are say, in the middle of being intimate and want to move on to another activity or to escalate the level of intimacy. You can do something as simple as pulling back briefly and saying something like "is this okay?" or "I would really like to kiss/touch you right now. Would you like that?" Or if, for example, you would like to kiss someone, non-verbally you could make eye contact, and slowly lean in, but wait for them to close the final distance themselves.)Consent is not complicated of one is actually invested in ensuring that everyone involved in an encounter is comfortable and happy to be participating. Just make sure that you are regularly checking to make sure that your partner is actively engaging with you and is not withdrawn, nervous, tense, or passive. If there is any ambiguity in their body language or you are unsure if they are comfortable, then just check in. It is always better to check in than to proceed without being completely sure that everyone is feeling good about what is happening, but if consent is really in place it should be clear, and not ambiguous.When someone says that "they thought they had consent, but it turns they didn't." it is not because the situation was ambiguous. It is because good consent practices weren't followed. Someone's body language was ignored, or they were coerced, or someone chose to disregard another person's boundaries. Sexual assault doesn't happen by accident. It happens when someone chooses not to ensure that consent is in place before initiating contact with another person.As long as you are communicative, work to establish enthusiastic consent, and are open to being turned down, then you should be able to establish relationships and engage in intimacy knowing your partner(s) are also glad to be there.
