Genuinely at a loss as to how else they could account for the smiling, seemingly contented individual, witnesses reported Tuesday that local happy man Leonard Olson, 36, must either be stupid or evil. “I’m not sure what that grinning fucker’s deal is, exactly—maybe he’s a completely corrupt and appalling person, maybe he’s just a dumbass,” said passerby Jason Hansen, who appeared bewildered by the visibly cheerful Olson, adding that the man either had no clue about the horrible things going on around him every day, or was knowingly and deliberately causing the horrible things going on around him every day.

Emphasizing that the phenomenon is barely perceptible on a daily basis yet significant when observed on the whole, the nation’s top qualitative experts released a report Monday confirming that everything in every significant area of life is, in fact, slightly worse than it was yesterday. “While there are by no means any drastic changes for the worse in any given 24-hour period, we have observed a measurable and steady decline in each passing day,” the report read in part, specifically noting gradual but perceptible declines in personal wealth, food quality, the overall love shared by humanity, and the warmth of sunlight.

THE THING

You’ll never forget it

Natalie loves combining vintage with modern and lots of color. In her foyer, she lets the poppy wallpapered wall become the star by painting the other walls white. But, the ceiling is gray and the stairs are a deep blue. 

A rather depressed-looking African marmot from Carl Peter Thunberg’s Resa uti Europa, Africa, Asia d.1 (1788)