Tip Scales, Not Cows

i’ve been sober for 5 years now. i’ve figured out a lot about myself (namely that i’m a trans woman and also a system). i’ve been through a couple relationships, some better than others. i have an incredible partner in my life right now, and i finally know what healthy polyamory feels like. i’m almost finished with my degree. i don’t have nightmares much anymore. i’m in therapy. i haven’t been actively suicidal in probably over a year. i am so goddamn proud of myself.

#tag rant#I feel like they're controversial for opposite reasons though#like... Vriska is fucked up. she actually is. the problem is that people don't read any nuance into her situation.#and Dirk is like... not ''fine'' per se. the dude has problems. but not a bad person. but people don't read nuance into his situation either#in Vriska's case there are a bunch of outside influences that fucked her up. the result IS a fucked up person.#but that is explainable and also she might not have been fucked up if all that stuff hadn't been a factor.#the uncomfy part is that her upbringing is a part of who she is now#she's a kid who is trying to feel like she hasn't already been irreparably ruined#while also being unable to admit to having flaws at all as part of the problem#in Dirk's case the versions of himself create internal turmoil over his own state of authenticity#he himself might actually be okay. but there are enough other entities out there that are tied to his identity and behave badly...#that he basically can't consider himself alright. and he has no guidance to lean on here. no outside voice to consider or blame for himself.#he's a kid who's trying to feel like he isn't hopelessly irredeemable#while also being faced with a whole host of problems and flaws. and there's no one to blame but himself.#I think between the two... there's actually a theme here about blame and responsibility and shame and atonement#when you've done something wrong... how do you handle the intensity of your own and other people's feelings about that?#Vriska represents the attempt to just say ''fuck it'' and pretend that other people's grievances mean nothing#let it all roll off and just live for only your own sake. it's isolating because other people pull away from that.#Dirk represents the attempt to take on the full weight of everything. even as his own sensibilities make that a heavier and heavier burden.#like being paranoid about your issues and critical of yourself could just solve everything.#it isolates him because he's afraid of himself and doesn't want to put his true self near others.#neither are forgiven. Vriska gets forgiveness from the author but not the fans and Dirk gets forgiveness from the fans but not the author.#or like... idk that's not a ubiquitous conclusion that everyone has come to but it's a general trend.#I normally don't like comparisons between these two because they're usually done in bad faith for the wrong reasons#but I think there's something here.