@tybaltsjuliet -> @puritanpansies.

those are all lovely things to send, and a very kind sentiment. they are deeply appreciated. <3

anyway in other news yesterday i saw a fucking fantastic movie and got beautiful editions of two of my favorite books

i am pagan now and happily so. i know the feeling of speaking to a god and being able to look them in the eye, so to say. i know what it feels like when gods listen, and i know what it feels like when they reach back out to help, and i know what it feels like when they say, i see you, but i am not what you need, try someone else.

there is one god who has never extended me that courtesy even when i tied myself into knots for him.

without seeing people going to pains to make sure everybody knows that they don’t have a problem with god or jesus, just the people who ~call themselves~ christians, going to pains to make sure everybody knows they have internalized the most milquetoast God Is Love bullshit when they wouldn’t know divinity if it slapped them across the face

it hurt less being ignorant than it does being lectured at or evangelized to every time i express anger about the christian god that it is his *followers* i have the problem with, or his *institutions*, but it’s not really *his* fault

why are we supposed to let this one particular deity off the hook with endless exercises in theodicy? just because he’s the one who took over the world and people are so, so afraid of letting him be like every other deity in human history, who have done shit things but whose relationship with their followers is not predicated upon them accepting that those shit things had a good reason?

had horrible dreams about people getting mass poisoned by a serial killer and dying awful bloody deaths and also a dream about being murdered in a sketchy garage elevator