Goin' Down With This Ship

Requested by the lovely @txcb1013, I'm sorry this is so late but I hope you like it! 💚

XxX

Her trembling grew worse as she clung to him. Mulder could feel her nails digging into his neck, his shoulder, but he didn’t care. A few bruises were a small price to pay to feel her breath on his neck, to feel her racing heart pounding against his chest. She was alive, nothing else mattered besides that.

Sobs took over as her adrenaline began to ebb and her hold grew tighter as she lost herself; trusting him to look after her while she fell apart. He could feel his own tears begin to well up and he held her closer.

Mulder had lost track of how many times he had almost lost her, but there was something different about this time.

Agent Scully is already in love.

Six little words had changed everything. This pain in his chest, the terror of what if, was even sharper than what it had been when she had been abducted all those years ago, because she wasn’t the only one in love.

Her small nose grazed his neck as she buried her head in his shoulder, seeking something real to hold on to while her emotions raged.

“I need to make sure you aren’t still bleeding.” He said after a few moments. Scully nodded her consent; her arms still knotted around him.

Gently, ever so gently, Mulder sat them both up so he could see where she was hurt. His arm remained across her back, her shield, and she rested in the crook of his arm, shock beginning to color her face.  

“He…he touched my heart…” The horror that strained her voice broke his resolve.

Mulder’s shoulders fell, his voice caught in his throat, “A-are you alright if I look at it?” Another nod and he took great care to keep her comfort in mind as he examined her sternum and chest. Though it was smeared in blood, her blood, there were no nicks across her smooth skin. His eyes wandered to her face, seeing just how far away she was.

Scully had been treated as nothing more than a doll these past few days; stripped of any will of her own, all her desires had been cast aside in favor of what Padgett wanted from her, with no thought given to what her needs were, or to her personhood. The last thing Mulder wanted to do was to make her feel so vulnerable again.

“Padgett?”

He felt a monster of his own building within his chest; protective, territorial, possessive. But, unlike the writer, Mulder mastered himself and chose a different path.

“I left him down in the basement, burning his book.” Mulder allowed himself to reach out, gently tucking a few loose strands to the side of her face, “I should probably call it in.”

Absently, Scully nodded as she untangled herself from his arms and slowly made her way towards his bathroom. Ever attentive, Mulder followed even as he pulled out his phone.

An hour later, both apartments and the basement were crawling with police and field agents from every department. Scully had cleaned herself up and her front was believable to everyone. Everyone, that is, except him.

Mulder watched from the corner, wondering if anyone else had noticed how baggy her shirt was, or how she kept looking back to a particular place on the floor.

Did anyone else see her but him?

The monster stirred once again and Mulder closed the door on the last office harder than necessary, “You should have told them.” He headed towards the kitchen in search of something to do.

“Told them what exactly? That a figment of someone’s imagination almost ripped my heart out? At best you’d be locked out of your apartment for a few days while they completed their investigation, at worse we’d be sent in for full psych evals and be put under close observation for a week.”

He braced himself, letting his head lull. How could he get through to her? To let her know that she was worth the headache of it all?

“Dana…”

“Don’t you Dana me!” Scully marched towards him, her fire relit, “You and I both know I’m right!”

He held his hands up and stepped back towards the cupboard. She watched as he set to making her coffee and her temporary burst of anger began to quiet, her tears returning.

She had been fine with all the officers milling about, able to focus on the work at hand like the good little agent she was, but here, now, with nothing to distract her, as Mulder doted on her, it was all coming back. She hurried to wipe the tears away and excused herself when they refused to stop.

Her breathing was ragged; drawing in and out through a trench of barbed wire in her lungs. She took hold of the bathroom sink, trying to ground herself.

Her thoughts swirled, the loudest one demanding to know how she had let this to happen. How could she have been so stupid?

Her eyes were too scared to meet her reflection and her knees began to buckle. Her thoughts attacked her; critiquing her, criticizing her, belittling her.

“Are you alright?”

She startled and hurried to turn on the faucet, “Fine! Just finishing up.” She called back.

When she finally ventured out, Mulder offered a small smile; she could see the worry in his eyes, but he wasn’t going to push. She forced herself to return the gesture, pitiful though it was, and mumbled a thank you as she accepted the mug Mulder offered her as she took her place beside him on the couch.

“What…” He took a moment to compose himself, “What do you need?”

It took her forever to answer, and then she simply leaned into him,

“This.”

Mulder opened his arm and she scurried into it, resting her head against his chest as he held her fast, keeping her demons at bay the best he could.

He wanted to tell her that this wasn’t her fault, that Padgett was a manipulative little weasel and she shouldn’t blame herself, she had done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve this, but he just couldn’t find his words. He brought his other arm up to tighten his hold on her.

He had no right to put you through that, he thought, hoping she could feel what he so desperately wanted to say, I’m so sorry, if anyone is to blame, it’s me, I should have been there for you, he sighed, resting his head atop hers.

Their breathing was in time and, as Scully listened to his strong, steady heartbeat, she finally found her peace, “Just this.”

XxX

If you have any doubts, any doubts at all, just call off that surgery this morning. And then we’ll get out of here. Just me and you. As far away from the darkness as we can get? I’m not sure it works that way. I think maybe the darkness finds you, and me. I know it does. But let it try.

Like, the other case files he reads are probably just report after report like:

The man was apprehended at approximately 17:03 today. While initially agitated, he became docile while being read his rights. Though his anger was still present, it appears he is willing to respect authority. He will be tried later this week.

But then he gets to one of Mulder’s reports and he’s met with a long ass anecdotal recount of a case and how it relates to the broader understanding of human nature:

“We are but visitors on this rock, hurtling through time and space at 66,000 miles an hour, tethered to a burning sphere by an invisible force in an unfathomable universe. This most of us take for granted, while refusing to believe these forces have any more effect on us than a butterfly beating its wings halfway around the world. Or that two girls born on the same date, at the same time, in the same place might not find themselves the unfortunate focus of similar unseen forces, converging like the planets themselves into burning pinpoints of cosmic energy whose absolute gravity would threaten to swallow and consume everything in its path. Or maybe the answer lies even further from our grasp.”

Then he’s probably like “jfc, it’s not a poetry contest Mulder” and then goes to see what Scully said, only to get some scientific mumbo jumbo followed by a prohetic statement that clearly indicates she’s been spending a fuck ton of time with Mulder:

But what science may never be able to explain is our ineffable fear of the alien among us; a fear which often drives us not to search for understanding, but to deceive, inveigle, and obfuscate. To obscure the truth not only from others, but from ourselves.

I just love to imagine that Skinner will skim through all the reports on his desk in search for Mulder and Scully’s because they are so goddamned extra. Like they are both such nerds.

There’s a sequence after Mulder arrives back in his apartment to confirm Kurtzweil’s existence and friendship with his father where Scully comes in and says, “I’ve quit, I’m leaving. I’m going off to)so and so, I don’t want to stay because I know you’ll talk me out of it. So I gotta leave now, bye.” So she runs out. Mulder persues her down the hallway, has already confessed to her in the room that now is the worst time of all. “We’re really on to something here. I need you. I need you, I need you.” That’s the theme of the movie, Mulder needs Scully. Never before has he come to that understanding quite so strongly as he does in this story.

msr: mulder and scully romance

rat: krycek

txf: the x files

ftf: fight the future

iwtb: i want to believe

otp: one true pairing

x-phile: fan

baby phile: born during or after the original run (?)

Noromos: fans who aren’t really for romance between the characters

Moose and Squirrel: Mulder and Scully

COTR: Conversation on the Rock

COTL: Conversation on the Log

CC: Chris Carter

TLG: The Lone Gunman

XxX

As she stepped out of her heels, she shed her skirt around them. Casually, she returned the phone to its place as she decided upon the best approach.

Her little tricks had always worked on Mulder in the past, after all. A coy look here, a hint of praise there, one extra button left undone. She should have her answers in no time.

“Fox?” She beckoned as she slithered beneath his covers.

Mulder was feverish; his thoughts shattered between dreams and reality, “S-Scully?” Relief colored his tired voice.

“No, Fox, it’s me.” Diana reached out and brushed aside his sweaty bangs, “What were you doing at the University, hm? What happened?” She hoped to get something she could pass along to the Smoking Man, or maybe to repay Krycek for his tip on Mulder, though a bit for both would be ideal.

“D-Diana?” He tried to make out her face, “Wh-where’s…Scully?”

“New Mexico, you just talked to her on the phone.” Her frustration dripped into her voice for a moment, knowing it would be twice as hard getting anything out of him if he was so focused on her. Diana pressed her body against his, feeling the heat of his seep through his clothes, and let her finger tease the collar of his shirt, “Enough about her, though, I was hoping we—”

“I need…I need to talk to…to Scully…” Mulder reached for the phone that wasn’t there, his voice beginning to fade as he tried to get up.

“She’ll call back if she finds the evidence to prove you wrong, like you told her to.” Diana changed tactics with ease, “I mean, it’s not really such a waste, letting her chase her science while we get you back on your feet.” Her smile faltered, realizing his thoughts were lost somewhere in the Southwest, “Actually, I was thinking I might be able to help you with this artifact you found, maybe even help you figure out why it’s effecting you so much. It will be just like old times, Fox, you and me—”

“I—I d-didn’t mean it, S-Scul…” His alarm clock followed the water glass off the nightstand, the clatter sent thunderous echoes through his skull that ended in a striking crescendo. He cried out, grabbing his head. Diana’s concerned hand was foreign on his shoulder and he shook it off; her presence, here of all places, felt like the worst kind of betrayal, “I need…Scully…I need…”

Mulder shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, but only succeeded in tightening the pain and splintering his thoughts further, “I need…” His green eyes cleared for a moment as he saw Diana, saw her for who she truly was, “She…she was right…” His eyes widened before they began frantically darting around, “Scully…she…she’s in danger…” He saw hints of their plans in his captor’s thoughts, heard familiar and unwelcomed voices, and he could feel Scully slipping away from him; her treatments, their search, the house she had been picturing so clearly from Sunday’s classifieds…

“Fox, you need to calm down, you need rest—”

I need Scully, his thoughts snapped.

“Scully!”

His imaginings fractured his reality; insisting that if he called out, she would answer.

She always did, after all; she always would, wouldn’t she?

“Scully!” He tried again, his voice growing hoarse as panic set in, “Ssscccuuullllllyyyy!”

“Fox!” Diana quickly shushed him with her hand, “Stop.”

He pushed her away again, stumbling to his feet before collapsing on his knees, “I need…I need…” He continued to call for his partner who was too far away to answer. Still, he could sense her; the connection was faint, strained, but it was there. If he could just…

“Scully!”

His thoughts were of her; only of her.

Diana leaned back; her eyes narrowed as she reworked her strategy. She might have to call in reinforcements after all, and it was imperative that she find a way to rid herself of that petite scientifique once and for all.

XxX

@txcb1013 wanted to see more of Mulder’s inner dialogue during Sixth Extinction and I was, of course, happy to oblige! I hope you like it! ^.^

XxX

A thousand voices cracked his skull; there was no peace as he took in every thought and sound within a mile radius. It began manifesting in flashes, blinding his every sense and crushing his airways; it was an electrical storm embedded within his mind. Surging, booming, echoing; sheer exhaustion overtook him but sleep refused to come. He screamed, because there was no other escape.

And then, there it was. That familiar pull.

The connection continued to grow steady, strong, and, amid the chaos and lies, he found her; his touchstone.

The world quieted for a moment and it was just the two of them. Scully, he took in her name like oxygen.

A sharp pain cut in, muddling the connection, “Thank you for coming, he was asking for you last night…” That was Diana, trying to get a rise from Scully, but jealousy poisoned her tone.

Scully didn’t catch it though and her pulse raced. You answered the phone last night, her thoughts narrowed as she worked to control her reaction, Why were you there? Why were you with him?

It isn’t what you think! His thoughts cried out, but his voice just screamed.

Others joined in; Skinner, the doctor, a nosy nurse in the hall. Mulder clawed at his head as the blitz picked up once again. Still, she was there; solid and clear.

“I want to talk to him.”

“No, he’s a danger to anyone.”

Not to her!

“Not to me.”

There was Diana again, and Skinner, what were they…they were trying to take her away!

“SCULLY!”

He could see through her eyes as she watched his monitor, feel the ache in her chest, the helplessness which pierced her soul. The connection grew strained as Scully was forced out; Mulder could only catch bits and pieces of their conversation now, like a child listening at the door. The words were jumbled but he could make out most of the emotions; he tried to track them, to make sense of what was going on.

Finally, he found her again, “Why were you with him last night?”

The weight of her question nearly broken him; she grew so small as she tried to determine the value he had assigned her. Disposable, replaceable, expendable; all three tormented her thoughts and tipped the scale towards the wrong side.

I wanted you, just you, you must know that! Another scream, this one in complete frustration.

“He called me. I found him in a university stairwell, he could barely speak.” He could feel the triumph building in Diana’s chest, “He said I was the only one who’d believe him about an artifact.”

His nails dug into his head, Scully…no…I didn’t call her!

A weighted pause, “You’re a liar.” Her voice wavered; Scully wanted to believe what she had said, but she didn’t.

His strength gave and Mulder collapsed to his knees. Finally, the sedatives took some effect as the distance between them became too much to bear.

XxX

The last shot of phenytoin hadn’t worn off yet, but Mulder wasn’t about to give Diana the satisfaction. Her words were meaningless, not when he could see her thoughts so clearly.

Cancer Man, her role in the original X-Files, the reason for her return now; it was all there for him to see.

Of course, Diana believed she was doing what was right; that her actions were just and her reasoning sound. She even expected him to understand, to forgive and forget like he’d always done in the past when she would offer a small smile instead of an apology. But he saw her too clearly now to be taken in by pretty words and parlor tricks; Diana Fowley knew nothing of loyalty except to self.

“Fox…Fox, I love you.”

He wished he could push her away. Her touch spoke of betrayal; her kiss, an attempt to claim something that wasn’t hers.

Maybe he had loved Diana once, but she had only ever wanted him for the person she had in mind for him to be, not for who he was. No, there was only one person who had ever accepted him as he was – spooky theories and all – and he feared she was lost to him forever.

But then, there it was again, that familiar pull. He turned his head, desperate to find its source before the drug wore off.

XxX

Mulder felt her long before he heard her. She was an unyielding force; a soldier driving back the battle line, a knight preparing to slay her dragon.

“I need to see him.” She said. Move, or be moved, she thought, and the doctor didn’t need to be a mind-reader to get the message.

With his last bit of strength, Mulder cut his eyes to the door, needing to see her.

As Scully ventured in, the world rolled back; it was only him and her, as it should have been all along. She was a balm; her thoughts calm and soothing. He felt his breath even out, his pulse ease. The one he needed most was here at last.

“Mulder, it’s me.” Scully’s greeting was hesitant. Her courage was banished now that she saw his unmoving form, but still, she hoped, “I know that you can hear me.”

She didn’t know that was all he could hear; he felt guilty, peering into her thoughts like this, but no matter how hard he tried to turn away, they were ever present. It was almost as if she wanted him to hear them.

“If you could just give me some sign…”

He tried with all his might to brush his fingers against hers, but his body denied him, Scully, I’m here…I’m trying…

“I want you to know where I’ve been…what I’ve found. I think that if you know, you could find a way to hold on.”

He could see the coast, the ship, the otherworldly symbols she’d spent weeks pouring over; the exhausting day of travel she’d undertaken. It had all been for him. Not who she wanted him to be, not even who he thought he should be, it was all for the person he was right now.

Her stoic mask began to slip; it was just the two of them, she was safe to let her walls come down.

Tears threaded her voice, “I need you to hold on.” Her words were lost to him after that as she shared her findings, hoping it would give him the strength to hold on. She mentioned a key, a puzzle for them to solve, but he didn’t need any of that.

Scully, he had to find a way to make her understand.

“Mulder…please…” It was a last request, a prayer, as she took his hand, “Hold on.” Her eyes lingered on his face. In her gaze, in her touch, the words she so desperately wanted to say but didn’t dare voice were inscribed.

He tried to blink, to move his hand, to get his mouth to form the words, but he couldn’t. His search for the truth had taken everything from him, including his chance to tell her how he truly felt.

Mulder hoped, he even prayed, that maybe, just maybe, she could hear his thoughts replying,

I love you too.

XxX

Waking Up to Fatherhood - The Past

Before Mulder's abduction, there were two brief times that Scully almost became a mother.

Both were linked to her stolen ova; but one little girl was born weak and sickly, her only purpose to be a lab rat for her government and to be loved in-between these tests by her adoptive parents. Mulder could not be a father to this hybrid, having failed to be a brother to a clone already once. And, sadly, in spite of all of Scully's training and all of Mulder's attempts, little Emily Sims could not be put back together again.

Later-- we will never know how much later-- he finally told Scully about her other remaining ova, the ones that didn't work. But she wanted to try, anyway.

So, before Mulder's abduction, there was a short period of time where he almost became a father.

XxX

As she stepped out of her heels, she shed her skirt around them. Casually, she returned the phone to its place as she decided upon the best approach.

Her little tricks had always worked on Mulder in the past, after all. A coy look here, a hint of praise there, one extra button left undone. She should have her answers in no time.

“Fox?” She beckoned as she slithered beneath his covers.

Mulder was feverish; his thoughts shattered between dreams and reality, “S-Scully?” Relief colored his tired voice.

“No, Fox, it’s me.” Diana reached out and brushed aside his sweaty bangs, “What were you doing at the University, hm? What happened?” She hoped to get something she could pass along to the Smoking Man, or maybe to repay Krycek for his tip on Mulder, though a bit for both would be ideal.

“D-Diana?” He tried to make out her face, “Wh-where’s…Scully?”

“New Mexico, you just talked to her on the phone.” Her frustration dripped into her voice for a moment, knowing it would be twice as hard getting anything out of him if he was so focused on her. Diana pressed her body against his, feeling the heat of his seep through his clothes, and let her finger tease the collar of his shirt, “Enough about her, though, I was hoping we—”

“I need…I need to talk to…to Scully…” Mulder reached for the phone that wasn’t there, his voice beginning to fade as he tried to get up.

“She’ll call back if she finds the evidence to prove you wrong, like you told her to.” Diana changed tactics with ease, “I mean, it’s not really such a waste, letting her chase her science while we get you back on your feet.” Her smile faltered, realizing his thoughts were lost somewhere in the Southwest, “Actually, I was thinking I might be able to help you with this artifact you found, maybe even help you figure out why it’s effecting you so much. It will be just like old times, Fox, you and me—”

“I—I d-didn’t mean it, S-Scul…” His alarm clock followed the water glass off the nightstand, the clatter sent thunderous echoes through his skull that ended in a striking crescendo. He cried out, grabbing his head. Diana’s concerned hand was foreign on his shoulder and he shook it off; her presence, here of all places, felt like the worst kind of betrayal, “I need…Scully…I need…”

Mulder shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, but only succeeded in tightening the pain and splintering his thoughts further, “I need…” His green eyes cleared for a moment as he saw Diana, saw her for who she truly was, “She…she was right…” His eyes widened before they began frantically darting around, “Scully…she…she’s in danger…” He saw hints of their plans in his captor’s thoughts, heard familiar and unwelcomed voices, and he could feel Scully slipping away from him; her treatments, their search, the house she had been picturing so clearly from Sunday’s classifieds…

“Fox, you need to calm down, you need rest—”

I need Scully, his thoughts snapped.

“Scully!”

His imaginings fractured his reality; insisting that if he called out, she would answer.

She always did, after all; she always would, wouldn’t she?

“Scully!” He tried again, his voice growing hoarse as panic set in, “Ssscccuuullllllyyyy!”

“Fox!” Diana quickly shushed him with her hand, “Stop.”

He pushed her away again, stumbling to his feet before collapsing on his knees, “I need…I need…” He continued to call for his partner who was too far away to answer. Still, he could sense her; the connection was faint, strained, but it was there. If he could just…

“Scully!”

His thoughts were of her; only of her.

Diana leaned back; her eyes narrowed as she reworked her strategy. She might have to call in reinforcements after all, and it was imperative that she find a way to rid herself of that petite scientifique once and for all.

XxX

Arguably Biogenesis, because Diana does say Mulder asked for Scully last night…take that with as much salt as you need but Diana does seem bitter when she says it.

When Mulder wakes up (or maybe he just senses her close? idk) on the space ship in that s8 episode, too lazy to go back and find it right now.