smile fades in the summer.

Need extra caution when going to the bathroom

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Akihabara, Tokyo

“I had an incident at the end of last year.  It was during exam time.  I was on edge, and irritated, and it was kinda like a storm.  This one kid kept bothering me.   Just bothering me.  And I sorta went blind with rage.  I didn’t actually hit him, but I grabbed him aggressively.  Then I started hitting the desk, and yelling about how I hate myself, and how all I do is annoy people, and how I know that everyone hates me.  I felt so much shame afterwards.  I was disgusted with myself.  I used to have so many emotional problems when I was younger.  I’d yell.  I’d cry.  I’d throw tables and chairs.  But none of that had happened since primary school.  I made a promise to myself.  No more outbursts.  The incident happened on Friday, so I was able to go straight home.  All weekend I thought about suicide.  On Monday they called me into the office, and I confessed everything.  I told them I was in a bad place.  They sent me to the hospital for a few days.  When I came back to school, a lot of kids approached me in the hall.  They told me they were worried.  And they hoped I got better.  I just kept saying ‘I’m fine, I’m fine.’  But one girl told me that she’d cried during cheerleading practice.  And that shook me a little bit.  I laughed it off at first, but later I started thinking about it.  It’s easy to say ‘get better.’  But I never thought someone could actually cry for me.”           (Montreal, Canada)