gonna start making some seriously insane decisions if my life doesn't get better soon

drunk as fuck liking passive agressive reels in the hopes that people i don't like will see them and feel bad

why is my life unfolding as if it's a hurt/comfort fanfiction written by a teenager

i purged for the first time in months last thursday and then had the worst sore throat of my life for the past week. the pain is finally gone and i'm now able to swallow without crying, so obviously i'm going to binge and purge again tomorrow

truly believe i could have everything i want if i could just lose like 20lbs. i've fucked up and said no to so many opportunities because i feel so disgusting and like i don't deserve to exist in the world. that's such a small amount of weight to lose and it could change my entire life

want to stop cutting myself but unfortunately i have a deeply ingrained belief that losing any amount of blood will absolve me of all calories consumed

just realised something devastating. i am going to relapse like no one in the history of relapsing ever has