lil guy central

might be one of the only reasons i can make phone calls semi-comfortably these days, it’s crazy

in so many circles, i feel like so many different people for so many different reasons

to my family, i only use they/them and i’m non-binary. because i’ve tried to explain (albeit very vaguely) that i use more than just they/them and was flat-out told that wasn’t possible, which i know isn’t true, but for the sake of convenience and for a lack of willpower to argue, i’m simply someone who uses they/them

to my friends from school, im like. partially out to them but they also follow me on socials. and they mostly just use she/her for me, in the way that most of them still just see me as a woman. maybe that’ll change if i ever sit down for a conversation but for now, im still just another one of the gals

to my dnd group, i introduced myself right off the bat as queer. our whole friend group probably has the most understanding of the entire LGBTQ+ umbrella because we have lived under it and taught ourselves its components for so long, way before we met each other. they use they/them and he/him for me. and we’ve spoken about me using all pronouns. but i’ve never heard them use she/her to refer to me. not out of malice or refusal to understand. i think it comes from a fear of not wanting to seem like they’re being rude (which y’all would not be. i know y’all are gonna see this, hi besties lol)

it’s weird trying to describe that desire to have the different parts of me shown when i tell people i, deep down, don’t really have a label for my gender. because how do i tell people i don’t care but also care so much about how i am perceived? how do i tell them there is nothing there but also so much something? i call myself genderfluid to so many people because it’s just easier than telling them there is nothing that fits. some people understand that and i am so, so grateful to them. it’s a brick to build in this house that the world around us wants to tear down. i think my own hesitance comes from a fear so many others around me experience. i think it comes from the prejudice i saw in my own community growing up. i would have labeled myself genderfluid a lot sooner if i hadn’t been fed the lie that it didn’t exist from multiple sources irl and online. i would have been happier embracing all the parts of me and would have spared myself the lingering fear of selfishness from wanting to be referred to by multiple pronouns, the fear that people would see me as too much to bear, too nitpicky

it’s probably gonna replace the current story of nightlock, sorry to the two fans of dani and derrick

anyway we got the sallow family. papa nathan, older sister nellie, and little sister sophia. the girls wanna go out and do Not Ranch Things while nathan’s like “dude. this is our family business, what’s gonna happen to it?” and then. things happen that might cause them to lose it

some highlights:

- the three startups for “moon river” that actually really seemed to help cheer the band up

- on the other hand, seeing the absolute love and respect they have for jerry hager and for tess and seeing them get emotional for both of them!!

- CHAIR

- “that chair got more applause than any of us did” rabbit i love you, never change

- the absolute theatrics everyone was putting on. GOD they were so good

- Gabi as GG. that’s it, that’s the bullet point

- the sheer volume of everyone singing along to brass goggles

- and ofc yk, the entire show. omg

i don’t play the other one i’m running very often (only when one of the players is in town) so like. theoretically, i COULD start a low fantasy dnd adventure but also

with what time and what group lol

i have so many friends now. so many beautiful friends. and i love them all so much. i felt so lonely growing up even when i was around people and now, though that feeling doesn’t always stay away, i find myself feeling it less and less now

i’ve found my fellow lil freaks (affectionate ofc). i’ve found my crowd, my family. the different little families i find myself in. i feel like i belong with these people compared to feeling like i had to hang around people to a certain extent

i’ve also found my own self in a way. i’m still a horribly awkward person but at this point in my life, i’ve truly reached a state of “who tf cares?”. not entirely of course lol, but i just. i dunno. maybe it’s because i’ve finally put together some sort of an identity for myself. but i feel better about myself and who i am than i have in years. and i believe that that’s in part due to the people i’ve found myself with

this is the closest i will ever have to my cat sitting in my lap since she was a kitten and y’know what? i’ll take it

also helps with world building because i think everyone in the story im thinking of would be familiar with snow, i just don’t know how much snow each of their homelands would get

elias and eddie would be used to the same amount of snow since they’re from the same city. eddie DEFINITELY played in it a lot with his sister and still does with his kids. elias unfortunately probably never got a true experience in the snow given how rigid his upbringing was. he think it’s pretty but never got to play in it. but once he meets the others, he enjoys playing in the snow quite a bit

suriya sees the snow as something more to survive rather than play in. when she was very little, though, she probably played in it with the other children of her village. her joints probably keep her from truly going wild but she loves building snowmen!! especially with her friends!!!

morigga probably had the least exposure to snow growing up. it snowed in her hometown but never enough to play in. probably just a flurry every now and again. when it snows in the city, she goes NUTS. she has so much fun making snowmen and snow angels, along with sledding and getting into snowball fights. probably makes an igloo at some point with eddie’s girls. they have to pull her out of it when it’s time to go home