genevieve

I think I’ve already posted two of these but it’s not like I gave more than 3 followers anyways.

Sooo. I wanna talk about my body for a sec. I have struggled and struggled and struggled for as long as I can remember with the way that my body looks. I struggle with the way it feels - both internally and externally. I spend so much damn time worrying about whether the clothes I wear make me look fat or chunky or bad that I often forget to see past my skewed image. I lost some weight and it got better, but I gained a little back - even though it’s not easy to tell - and still don’t see myself in a good light. I am so hard on myself and put so much pressure on myself to look a certain way that it’s exhausting. I’m tired of laying in bed at night wondering why I’m not good enough or thin enough or pretty enough. Some days I genuinely hate myself for not being as skinny as the models I see on instagram. And while there are many, many days in which I see myself like this, there are also days when I wake up and try to fall in love with myself. I notice the way my stomach rolls and try not to focus so much of my energy on hiding it. I notice that I have stretch marks and baby bingo wings, but I remember that I’m the only one who sees that. I constantly compare myself to other women, both in the media and in person, and I’m sick of it. I don’t know how it’s going to change but I know it needs to. I have started running and am preparing for a 5k in July, and I do yoga every couple days in hopes of extending my flexibility and toning my body a little more. I am mindful of the things I put in my body, but still enjoy ice cream and other things (mostly ice cream). I’m trying to love me and be a better me and its hard and it sucks and I definitely woke up this morning dissatisfied with the way I look. Hopefully, however, that mentality starts to melt away and I can just be happy and myself.

I’m posting these pics again to remind myself that even if I feel like I look like crud today, there are days that I definitely am confident and comfortable with how I look. I’m hoping that one day I’ll love every part of myself, but it’s gonna be a long journey.

I deserve someone to love me so much that they can’t be without me.

I deserve someone who knows all of the useless trivia about me.

I deserve to be loved so effortlessly and beautifully.

I DESERVE SO MUCH.

I deserve to be taken on spontaneous dates.

I deserve to have songs written about me.

I deserve the sun, the moon, and all of the stars.

I DESERVE TO BE LOVED.

and to not be taken for granted.

and to not be used.

and to not be a play toy.

I DESERVE SO MUCH.