turtleduck tea party

I still remember that summer, spending the holidays at my grandma's house in Hungary like every year. Two weeks before I turned 14, I saw my first episode of AtlA on the kids channel. Zuko Alone. Of course that was my first. It was instant. Love at first sight. Or episode, I suppose. But the house had no wifi, and I was there for 6 weeks, so I spent those weeks stuck with no way to learn more. All the information I had were the episodes I could manage to catch when they aired, I had no way to look anything up, and never in my life has a special interest been stronger in me, neither before nor since.

I spent the next 3 years thinking of nothing else. I managed to get all the dvds within the next year, and for my 15th birthday I got the art book of the show, which became my greatest treasure. I carried it to school with me, just in case I ever needed to look anything up. If I was bored in class, I'd watch episodes in my head, in real time, with full accuracy; or list all episodes in order. I knew every most minor character by name. I wrote my most treasured quotes from the show onto pieces of paper and taped them to my bedroom wall.

And Zuko. Oh, Zuko. He was everything to me. As an abused teenager, with no mother, a blatantly favored younger sibling, and a dickhead for a father, I saw myself in him. I had no friends, it was made very clear to me that I wasn't wanted anywhere, but Zuko was there. He saw me. And I held onto him. It may sound silly now, but back then, he was all I had. I genuinely, truly, entirely believe that I would not be alive today without him, without this show. He taught me english too; because I'd speak out loud to him and imagine he was there replying, so that's how I learned the spoken language. I held a rolled up blanket pretending it was him holding me every night, and every time I cried, multiple times a day, after my father had let his anger issues out on me yet again.

I had a badly made crocheted plushie of him one of my father's girlfriends made me once that I treasured, and a keychain figurine some classmates actually married me to during recess once (had a ceremony and everything). Today, I have a tattoo of the white lotus symbol on my arm.

He was everything to me. I loved him more than I had ever loved before. And I fully, entirely considered him my boyfriend. I was devoted completely. No man, neither real nor fictional, even slightly caught my attention during that time. Whatever happens in the future, Zuko will always have a special place in my heart.

Well, I've outaged him now because, unlike him, I am not immune to the passage of time, but he's still precious to me. He was older than me when we met so, well, it's a bit of a weird spot to be in I'll be honest. I have a husband now, but somewhere in my heart, my love for Zuko will never truly fade. I owe him my life, after all. (And hey, the movie did let him finally catch up to me in terms of age!)

One more thing – I could not care less about Zuko being conventionally attractive. I'm not even attracted to that body type (or any other one, really. I'm very ace). I'm attracted to Zuko because he's Zuko. His appearance plays no role in that, and never has. He could look literally any other way, and he'd still be beautiful to me. So if you're only into him because he's hot... this is probably not the place for you. We love and appreciate Book 1 ponytail Zuko in this house.

❤️‍🔥 More in depth explanation

I age regress anyway (yay childhood trauma) so, you know, time is fickle and fluid. I also decided uncle Iroh is my adopted dad because my real one sucks ass and I don't want him anymore. Uncle Iroh treats me better. Not sure what that makes Zuko to me. My older-cousin-brother-boyfriend who's younger than me? Don't think about it too hard. It just makes sense somehow. It's not as weird as it sounds, I think. He's more like an imaginary friend to me. We have history. And it feels more like a queerplatonic thing than romance anyway.