Ahoy ladies

why can’t things be easy peasy lemon squeezy

“Not all at once ladies :)” I say to the rats that bite my ankles

i’m not traumadumping bro 🙄 i’m telling you my evil backstory

im going to start a false crime podcast where i explain crimes that never actually happened

i’m going to do the crimes you explain, forcing you into having a true crime podcast

i knew this day would come. i saw it on the calendar

i’m trapped in your attic

listen im not intrested

i just ate a crepe so delicious juicy and good im about to forgive french people

"you have mental illness" actually i don't, those are just unfortunate side effects from using the powers from my amulet to often. such power deranges a man.

My dad’s funeral was funnier than friends

you all have permission to laugh at this it’s okay

my birth certificate but it has an ifunny watermark

was sloppy joe a real man