PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST

I have no doubt that this isn’t sounding new to anyone who is or has ever been unemployed longer than they thought they’d be and continues to battle with depression. I’m sitting in my bed trying to edit an interview I conducted with my business partner nearly three weeks ago. And I’m atruggling. I’ve been struggling to concentrate on it since we filmed. I was excited to be out and about talking to people again. I love and enjoy documenting individual experiences whatever they may be. My focus now is on young black people. After filming I still looked forward to editing the videos and coming out with a great piece. Today I sit here struggling because I’ve allowed myself to dwell on the personal losses I’ve endured since then and those endured as a business. I’ve only been unemployed for a month and a bit but everyday, the will to get up in the morning has eluded me. I could not control me getting another job right before my previous contract ended. Still I can control whether or not we make money every month due to the freelance work we get. Sounds easy right? It hasn’t been for me. For us. I feel helpless. Tired. Naive. Betrayed. I feel betrayed by my own ambitions and decisions. Some days I wake up with regret and some days I wake up telling myself to believe in my ideas and mostly in God who gave them to me. Trusting and believing in God and His plans will get me through is what I tell myself. No one thing I’ve planned will, without fail, happen when I will it. What He wills, will be done. It scares me still. This blind faith. I struggle with many questions and somedays wish I wasn’t alive. That He would just take me in my sleep and end this all. The misery. The anger. The frustration. End it all because why do we suffer so much when we have a Father who loves us dearly? Why? Being unemployed has dragged me to a dark place I was once in and promised never to revisit. A place that left me feeling much worse than I am now. A place that honestly shook me to the core. A place, once left, had me realise and experience the brightness that was shut out of my life. It continues to be a battle trying to manage my depression while working on making my business a success and still job hunting. I’m lucky to still have my parents take care of me while I do all this. I can’t imagine what it’s like for those who don’t have that support and find themselves in darker places. 💕strength to you who is currently in this space. I pray the day you look back and laugh at all this, actually comes sooner. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCityGJCaYI)

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5082NM1H-io)

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2Mpmaqg-bc)

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk)

FloFilz - Onceagain

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2AcxL88DoI)

Trendy

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfjylYeZvgM)

(via "The Vandals have struck again")

Yamkela is destined for great things. I need to start referring to him using his stage name