Tsukiihime Writings

You’ve spent the night flipping through channels, ordering Chinese takeout as you sit cross-legged on Shinsou’s couch in your favorite tank top and shorts staring blankly at the television screen. You’ve kept your phone by you all this time in hopes of receiving a call that hasn’t come yet, and at this point you’re pretty sure it won’t come at all. You’ve been mulling over it for hours - do you call Bakugou? Let your pride take a backseat to your longing and put an end to your uncertainty? Or do you wait for him to break first?

‘Who am I kidding’, you scoff to yourself, ‘Bakugou doesn’t apologize or bow down to anyone. I’ll probably die before I get him to make the first move.’ You scratch your neck, looking out of the corner of your eye at your cell phone sitting inconspicuously on the coffee table. If you’re being honest with yourself, you want some form of closure with Bakugou. There’s so many unanswered questions between the two of you: Whose underwear was that in your shared bedroom? Are Bakugou and Camie romantically involved? Why did he call you that night?

You want - no, you need answers before you drive yourself crazy with what ifs - so you decide that tonight you’re going to take the plunge and call your ex-boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugou.

At least that was the plan, but all you’ve been doing for the past thirty minutes has been nervously pacing back and forth in Shinsou’s bedroom. You pick up your phone only to throw it back down in anxiety - what if you make a fool out of yourself? What if he really did call you on accident and you’re just getting your hopes up?

It takes another thirty-four minutes before you’ve calmed your nerves enough to dial his number and not feel like vomiting. You decided against drinking some alcohol to get some liquid courage - you needed to be sober for this conversation as much as it pained you. The phone line on the other side rings, and you’ve never been more afraid of what’s going to happen next than you have been your entire life. You bite your lip in anticipation, pulling at the bottom of your shorts to distract you from what seems like endless ringing in your ear.

All too soon, the ringing stops and you are greeted with a rough ‘hello’. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bakugou feels like his soul has left his body when he sees your name flash across his screen - you’re calling him. He’s wished for this moment for weeks: every single missed call, unread text and late night thought about you has now culminated in this moment. You’re finally giving him a chance to speak to you and you’re even making the first move! But he feels a strange new emotion well up inside him as his finger hovers over the ‘answer’ button.

Hesitation.

It’s a new feeling to the Explosion Hero - he’s always been a doer and not a thinker, action before thought. He’s always thought of himself as the best, the cream of the crop in every aspect of his life. But the vibrating cherry red phone in his hand makes his confidence waver. He’s hesitating to answer you, even if he’s missed you for so long. That’s right: the great Katsuki Bakugou is afraid.

He’s afraid to answer the phone, to get his hopes up that you’re calling because you miss him, when you could be just calling him by accident. You probably meant to call Shinsou, or maybe you’re calling to say that you left something at his house and want it back.

But this fear is quickly dispelled - this may be his last chance to tell you how he feels. How he truly feels, without his agency or anyone else getting in the way. He now knows that Shinsou is in love with you and he still loves you with every fiber of his being - if he’s going to have a rival in romance he needs to put everything on the table. He needs you to know how he feels so that he can have no regrets, no matter what happens between the two of you in the future.

His train of thought is interrupted by his brain urging him to swipe right and answer the phone before the call is missed. Bakugou steadies himself, leans against the railing and puts his cell up to his ear. He answers gruffly: “Hello?”

“Hey Bakugou.” He takes notice of your use of his last name - he was expecting you to call him ‘Katsuki’, just as you’ve always done. His eyebrows knit together in disappointment.

“I don’t mean to call so late,” he can hear shuffling on your end, it sounds like you’re pacing around the house, “I know you’re always asleep at this time but I just had to do it before my nerves got the best of me.” You admit sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck as you smile to yourself softly. “I saw you called me around a week ago and I just wanted to see what you wanted? There was no voicemail or text, so I assumed that you maybe called by mistake? It’s okay if you did, I just wanted to double check you know?” You’re talking a mile a minute, rambling on and on as your nerves are set aflame by your embarrassment and fear. You’ve walked around Shinsou’s bedroom countless times, your heart racing in absolute dread at your decision. Why did you do this? Why did you call late at night? Why did you call him? You laugh uneasily, waiting for an answer and preparing for the worst.

“I called ‘cause I missed you.” You almost drop your phone in sheer shock, but you manage to compose yourself before your voice betrays your surprise.

You remain silent and he sucks in a breath, trying his best to calm himself down as he waits for you to answer. His palms won’t stop sweating, covering his cracked cell phone in glycerin laced sweat as he paces back and forth the rooftop from one end to the next. He feels like throwing up, and a small voice in his head urges him to hang up the phone before he makes more of a fool out of himself. But he stands his ground - he’s not leaving this call until you know how he feels. He hates opening up to others but you’re different, you’re special to him and by God he’s going to prove it to you.

“I’m sorry?” You ask for confirmation, not wanting to misunderstand. You hear a small ‘tch’ in response.

“Haaah? You not listening? I said,” he puts extra emphasis on the last part and he’s speaking so close to the phone that it’s almost like he’s next to you speaking directly into your ear, “that I missed you.” You both grow silent, listening to the sound of the other’s breathing for what seems like an eternity. The air is still rife with tension, but you smile - wide and beaming in total joy. Bakugou missed you. Just like you missed him. You feel comfortable being a little more familiar with him now that he’s confirmed for you that he’s not messing with you and you’re relieved that you’re able to keep your pride intact after you hang up the phone.

“I’m going to be perfectly honest. I wasn’t expecting that, Bakugou.” You give a small giggle and he smiles without realizing it. He’s missed your laugh, and he can imagine the way your nose crinkles slightly when you chuckle, how your eyes used to shine when he would make you laugh. “I’m surprised though - the great Katsuki Bakugou missing ‘lil ole me?”

“What, am I not allowed to be upfront ‘bout it? ‘M not gonna lie and say that I didn’t.” He huffs, slightly annoyed at your reaction. Your tone is teasing and half of him hates it while the other half is grateful for your reaction.

“I missed you too, Katsuki.” You say it, and it’s true. It comes out so naturally that it makes you smile with content. You do miss Bakugou. He closes his eyes and replays it in his mind.

‘I missed you too, Katsuki.’ He loves the way his name rolls off your tongue, sweet and soft just like he remembers. He can envision you lying next to him in bed, your legs entangled in the cream colored sheets as you drift in and out of sleep, running your fingers through flaxen spikes, his arms wrapped around your waist as he snores softly laying his head down on your chest. He’s indescribably happy that you missed him too.

“Look I-”

“So I wanted to-” You both speak at the same time, cutting the other off. You giggle softly. “You can go first Katsuki. Tell me: why have you been calling me?” He inhales deeply, preparing to pour his heart out to you under the starry sky. You lie back on Shinsou’s bed, the cool sheets meeting with your warm skin as you wait for the blonde man to answer.

“I wanted to hear your voice. I honestly thought you wouldn’t pick up or return my calls, so I was content with thinking I’d just hear your voicemail message. I had been trying to call you for days. I know you’re mad and you have every right to be, but I just...I want to talk to you. I want to talk about what happened, ‘bout us. I miss you,” he says without hesitation causing you to take in a breath in surprise, “so much. I didn’t think I’d miss someone like I miss you. I want to talk about what happened, what I did, and make it up to you. I want you back in my life, even if it’s not how we used to be before.”

You can hardly believe that you’re talking to Bakugou - prideful, arrogant, ruthless Bakugou who never opens his heart to anyone, not even you. He’s selfish in everything: with work, with love, and with you. He cares so much about being the number one Hero that it consumes him. You haven’t forgotten the cancelled dates when he stays in late at work to get another case wrapped up so it would boost his ratings, or the nights where you fell asleep on the couch waiting for him to get home when he would work late. Nor have you forgiven the days when you would cook him dinner only to find it untouched when you return home, or when he spends his days off training or hanging out with the Bakusquad rather than staying in with you.

But this Bakugou in front of you? He’s vulnerable, baring his heart and soul to you as he lets you know exactly how he feels. Instantly, the bad times leave your mind and you instead look back at all the good memories he’s given you over the two years you’ve known him: His amazing cooking on nights he wants to spoil you for working hard, the scent of caramel he leaves behind after he works out in the living room, the fierce kisses he left you with before he heads off to work. The way he lets you hold him gently, the way he lets you see him in his most unguarded state. The way he made you feel so loved, so cared for.

However, that doesn’t make you forget what he’s put you through the past month.

You still remember the way your heart shattered when you found that unknown lingerie set in your bedroom, and the way your heart ached when you saw Bakugou with his arm around Camie’s waist. Your grip tightens on your phone and you breathe in deep. You love Bakugou, but he needs to atone for what he’s done if he wants to be in your life again. You sit up on Shinsou’s bed, hugging your knees close to your chest.

“Listen Bakugou - I want to forgive you, I really do. But some of the things you did,” you feel a dull pang in your chest as you envision him holding another woman, “really hurt me. And it’s made me believe that I can’t trust you.” He grimaces, imagining how you must have looked seeing him at the award ceremony with another woman. He cards a hand through his blonde locks, scarlet eyes half lidded in disappointment. “But…” you trail off, and he perks up slightly.

“I don’t want to lose you. You’ve been a big part of my life, and I care about you. I’m willing to talk things out with you if you promise that you’ll take my concerns seriously, okay?” There’s no hesitation this time.

“I promise. Baby, I don’t want to lose you again.” Your eyes widen in shock, and Bakugou quickly coughs to distract you. “Er, sorry.” You giggle and he swells with pride at the noise, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“S’okay. I’ll let it slide this time since you’re so cute.” Bakugou is beside himself in a cocktail of emotions: are you flirting with him? You can’t help but tease him, imagining him turning beet red in embarrassment. Your heart leaps with happiness at how he calls you ‘baby’, but your pride and dignity stop you before you get ahead of yourself: Bakugou has much making up to you before you even think of jumping back into a relationship with him.

“But I think we should have this conversation in person, it’ll be easier. I’m gonna be pretty busy for the next few weeks or so, work and school’s been crazy and I’ve been looking for a new apartment.”

“Eye Bags told me you were looking for a new place to live.”

“Oh, you saw ‘Toshi? Hope he didn’t give you too much trouble. He can be a bit, ah, protective at times.” Katsuki scoffs to himself. ‘Yeah, he’s protective of you ‘cause he’s in love with you’ he thinks, but doesn’t say anything out loud. He may not exactly like Shinsou, but he’s not about to share his secret with you. “Anyways, how about I give you a call when I’m free? We can get together when I’m not swamped with responsibilities.”

“I’d like that.” This call has gone a lot better than he could’ve possibly hoped, and the promise of seeing you again, in person makes his heart soar. He can’t stop himself from beaming, happiness exuding from every pore.

“Alright then, it’s a date. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Have a good night Katsuki.” He gives his goodbyes and hangs up the phone, turning to overlook the cityscape. He can’t stop smiling - you’re really giving him a chance. He’s going to work his hardest to make you feel loved, to make up for everything he’s done and to win your heart again. He won’t lose.

He feels his phone vibrate in his hand, and it’s a message from you.

From: Y/N

Hey Katsuki! It was nice talking to you again. I’m glad we had this little talk...I think I’ll be free two weeks from now on that Friday. Can you meet me then? I’ll let you pick a place to eat, but it better not be too spicy or I won’t be able to eat anything. Let me know, okay?

He quickly responds.

To: Y/N

Got a place in mind. Has mild stuff too. I’m free that day, text me your new address and I’ll pick you up.

He sees the three dots appear and stops typing, waiting for your response.

From: Y/N

Sounds good! Make sure to drive safe kay? Last time I thought I was going to die being in the car with you.

Katsuki smiles as he types up a quick response and makes his way back to his friends downstairs - he spends the rest of the night texting you about anything and everything. He can’t wait to see you again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinsou is so grateful that Todoroki is rich - he’s currently drowning in his sorrows at the bar in the luxurious apartment that Shoto calls home. He doesn’t want to see anyone else and he wants to go home, but home is where you are and he doesn’t want to see you either. How can he after coming to the realization he did tonight?

He’s in love with his best friend.

And not only is he in love with you, but he knows that you’re still in love with Bakugou. In his mind, he can’t hold a candle to the Explosion Hero - Bakugou is a high ranking, high paid Hero with legions of fans. He is good looking and even though Shinsou thinks his personality is ass, you seem to be perfectly fine with it. On the other hand, Shinsou is a relatively unknown moderately paid Hero with confidence issues. He hates this part of himself - you always tell him to be kinder to himself and to believe in his abilities but he just can’t help it. He feels so inadequate compared to Bakugou. How can he even think of confessing to you when he can’t even keep you happy?

‘What’s the point of telling her’ he thinks to himself ‘when she won’t ever see me as more than a friend?” The thorns of self doubt dig into Shinsou’s heart and mind. He would rather pine for you for eternity than lose you - you’ve always been there for him as his rock, his pillar of support. If he loses you, he crumbles. But at the same time, how can he live with this secret? Will he spend the rest of his life looking for you in other women, imagining it's your hands he’s holding, your lips he’s kissing, your body that is sleeping next to him in bed? Will he walk you down the aisle at your wedding to Bakugou, seeing how beautiful you look in your white gown while he wishes he could be your groom?

So here lies the dilemma of Hitoshi Shinsou: confess to his best friend that he is utterly head over heels in love with her and risk losing her all together or say nothing and watch her fall in love with someone else.

He doesn’t know what to do or think, and that’s why he downs shot after shot of tequila, feeling the burn of alcohol down his throat and the pleasurable buzz in his fingertips. His phone vibrates and he sees it’s a message from you.

From: Y/N

Hey ‘Toshi! Are you okay? Need me to come rescue you from social interaction yet? :)

For the first time in his life, he doesn’t want to hear from you or speak to you. You’ll just make his problem worse. A part of him fills up with anger - why can’t you tell that he’s in love with you? The things you two do together is way past the point of being friends: the cuddling, the forehead kisses, the hugs, the sleeping in the same bed - do you truly not see how he feels?

He knows it’s selfish of him to say, and it’s wrong of him to feel this way. You still see those actions as friendly because you’ve always been that way with Shinsou. He’s the one who has twisted it into something romantic, longing for you with every touch. Aching for your presence in his life, wondering what your lips would feel like on his. He responds back in resentment, alcohol fueling his discontent.

To: Y/N

Don’t need you to come. Staying night at Shoto’s. Don’t wait up.

The message is curt and short. He feels so incompetent - he loathes this feeling of not being good enough. ‘It’s no wonder she loves Bakugou - why would she love you? You have a villain’s quirk, a meager apartment, a moderate paycheck. Why would she choose you when she has a better option?’ He thinks to himself, self-hatred poisoning his mind. His phone dings, and as expected, you’re texting him back.

From: Y/N

What’s wrong ‘Toshi? You seem off thru text...are you okay?

To: Y/N

I told you, I’m fine. Leave me alone for the night, don’t wanna talk to you.