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Well well well

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hey i know this is really heavy but... My pet of 13 years was put to sleep yesterday morning and I was wondering if you have any tips on handling the loss and absence of him. My whole family is struggling really hard and I would appreciate it.
Anon I have been thinking about how to answer this and what words of comfort I can offer you in this time of grief. I have held the hand of so many people through the death of their pet and still I oftentimes find myself at a loss for words. It’s something I think about a lot, so I’m sorry that this is quite long-winded.
I was driving my grandmother to a doctors appointment a few weeks ago and she was telling me about her first dog, a Boston terrier named Guppy that she’d had since she was 8 years old. She told me that during her first year in college she received an unexpected phone call from home out of the blue. In those times, phone calls were expensive and you really only got an unscheduled call when a relative or loved one had passed away. She told me that as she was walking to the room to take the call she had prayed to God that the news on the other end of the line would be the death of her own grandmother, rather than the now geriatric Guppy who had been sick for some time. It was a call about Guppy of course, and my grandma told me she’s been guilty her whole life for wishing that a family member had died instead. She told me that she was intentionally sharing this story with me because she didn’t want me to ever feel guilty if I grieve the loss of my dog more than I do her death someday. She told me that the love of a pet is something different, and losing it hurts in a different way.
This was a morbid story with a morbid sentiment (though entirely in character for my grandma) but it got me thinking about the nature of our grief for pets. They are such constants in our lives that in many ways losing them can be harder to bear than the loss of someone who matters to you in a completely different way. My grandma didn’t love her dog more than she loved her relative, it’s just a different type of grief.
Do not let anyone (including yourself) minimize your loss, because your pet was here, they were important, and your love for them mattered immensely.
So now let me say this; I am so happy that your pet was able to spend 13 years with a family that loved and treasured them. I hope for every single one of my patients to have that safety and warmth and affection, your pet was lucky to be so dearly loved. That said, here are some little things that I will recommend to people who ask me for help in dealing with the loss of their companion.
Take things one day at a time. This sounds like a cliche and maybe it is one but I found it helped me. Try not to think about the future without your pet, but focus on getting through the day, especially in the short term after the loss. Take care of yourself and your physical needs as much as you can.
Actively grieve your pet. By this I mean, dealing with grief is hard work that cannot be ignored or put aside. Rather than shying away from memories of your pet, take the time to purposefully think about them and the life they shared with you. It hurts and it sucks so much, but there is no shortcut through it.
Memorialize your pet. This can be anything, but try to find a way to honor your pet’s memory. Make a painting, or volunteer at an animal shelter for a day, donate old blankets to a vets office in your pets name, make a rock garden, buy a fruit tree and plant it somewhere, put together a photo collage of your pet. Doing little things like this helped me more than anything else when I was grieving my dog.
Talk about them. It seems so dumb but I swear it helps. Talk about what they were like when they were little, what funny things they did to make you laugh, what it meant to have them by your side through all those years. It doesn’t have to be a therapist, but find someone kind who can listen to the stories about your pet that made them who they were.
And most of all please know that someday (maybe not soon, but someday) it will hurt less. In the meantime please be kind to yourself as much as you can.
On the topic of pet loss, I drew this comic after my sweet Goopy passed away. I have a working list of art ideas, and for 5 long years at the very top of my idea list was “Comic where I take Huey and Goop to McDonald’s that ends with no punchline.” Every time I wanted to draw something I’d see that idea first, but always kept pushing it back for another time. When Huey passed away I thought about just deleting it, cause I felt like it was too late to draw it, and reading it made my heart hurt. But I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it, so taking them to McDonald’s remained at the top of the list. Then, about a year later, I lost Goop to cancer. It came out of nowhere, and within two weeks he was gone. Almost all of my prompts were about him, I loved drawing Gooby. I was so distraught I couldn’t even turn on my work computer and face it. And when I finally felt good enough to draw again, there was that prompt staring back and me. And I thought, you know what? Fuck it, it’s never too late to take them to McDonald’s. If I can’t see them in life, I want to see them in art. I don’t want to stop loving them the way I do now. So, I took Huey and Goop to McDonalds, with no punchline.
I think I’ll always be difficult to love
I’m still here yall 🖤 See more of this on my OF onlyfans.com/ghostiiexo

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mike’s hard past couple of months
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