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paralyzing is the exact right word for it. it’s not even always procrastinating. sometimes there is just so much that it becomes so overwhelming you can’t figure out where to start, so you just sit there and stare in to space trying to not let it break you. i can imagine if definitely does not help when people keep asking things as such. even if it doesn’t come from a place of putting pressure on you. just someone reminding you of something is enough for you to put that kind of pressure on yourself. then you start questioning what you’ve done leading up to this. and if you had done something in another way, if things would be different today.. i guess in a sense yeah. i’ve gotten better at it though. definitely takes a different form of patience than the one i was born with though. i’ve always been very much of a “if i don’t get it straight away, i’m just not doing it” — like prime example was learning how to ride a bike as a kid. like eventually i got it of course. but just solely cause i didn’t get it the first time, i wanted to give up and move on. suppose that all comes along with being too stubborn for your own good. but i’ve also chosen to see it as you’re determined. i don’t know if i could pick one key moment actually. nothing that really stands out. not to say i’ve not done things that are huge and i’m proud of, but you know. how about you? indeed. when it comes to that movie though, you just have to be neutral for it to keep the same magic as when you saw it the first time all those years ago.. completely oblivious to all that.

that’s exactly it. the to-do list feels miles long and you don’t even know what should be doing first, so it’s easier to ignore it and try again another day. i know people are asking, because they genuinely care and want the album but the more pressure i’m under, the less i get done lmaoo. at least i released a collab song this week, so that should keep people happy for a min. social media adds to the pressure too. for everyone, i think. you see this perfectly curated image of someone else’s life and you start comparing your own messy one to it and it’s hard not to feel inferior. learning to keep going after setbacks is the toughest thing, little you sounds like quite the go-getter. no wonder that little girl grew up to be a top model. i feel like i’ve been waffling for ages about my dumb problems...please tell me what you’ve been up to lately? how’re things with you and your man? how’s your adorable pup?

wow — we really took one look at the schedule & said absolutely not. i’m impressed. to be fair, i don’t think muscles are a flex. i mean, the generational heartthrob is timothee chalamet so maybe we should all be skipping leg day & getting fruity with peaches. ship them to me & i’ll bless the internet with an early, unwanted christmas present. and you don’t? very kind of you but i think ‘m for the streets. are you sure you want to commit to 60%? once you’re in it, ‘m going to be like the duolingo owl — only instead of aggressively reminding you to learn french tenses, it’ll be to like… plank.

fair, fair – it’s just one of the saddest movies of all time, that’s all. i have to follow up now and hope that being around family has in fact brightened your spirits. not in los angeles, no – i went to see my mom and nashville for thanksgiving, and i think they’ll be coming to new york for christmas. i started putting up christmas decor today; it’s getting real!

i won’t settle for just a sad movie, it’ll have to be the saddest movie made, because duh. it’s helped a little definitely. my brothers have dragged me around to do sports things and i’ve never felt less athletic in my life. can’t wait to come home and be a couch potato again. christmas in new york? ugh, that’s fucking magical. if i’m back by then, you’ll have to let me take you out ice skating. or ice falling in my case but fuck it, it’ll be great fun and i miss your gorgeous face. 

Shit, sounds like you’re really going through it right now. Are you still going through all this or has it chanced at all yet? I usually just spend time with my friends, family, my dog Olive and just live in the moment with them for a bit, usually helps me soon feel motivated again. Do you need to watch something funny with a friend? I offer myself as tribute. I hope you can have the chill one day, I never had the chill part much myself either.

silent cuddles, yes. no questioning, just comfort. oh, i thought it was someone specific. i know the feeling though cause after avan i had a few brief relationships and then one kind of long one i’m kind of still getting out of.

have you ever been told you’ve got a perfect looking skin? tell me you spend at least two hours a day on skincare or else i’ll cause a freaking scene. no i won’t, but i thought you should randomly be told that i reckon your face’s one of the most gorgeous i’ve ever seen. i must also add – doesn’t have anything to do with what said earlier – i haven’t spoken to someone about pets in a while, how’s your fur family doing? @troyeeesx·

are you serious?? the queen of the cosmetics ads is complimenting me?? do not compute, does not make any kind of sense at all. you’re gorgeous and so kind and i’m gonna weep about how much i miss you. because i do!! my boy nash is living his best life getting pampered by my manager, while i’m in Aus doing family stuff. the other day, she sent me a picture of her making him his own beef steak, so that butterball is currently living better than i do, sigh. what’s happening in your life, beautiful?

alycia: stooop. i adore YOU more.

alycia: i'm gonna need you to stop before my ego gets too big to handle.

alycia: are you saying you don't have a good hair day everyday? i find that so hard to believe. even on your worst hair day, you'd still serve nothing but looks. i'm always down for a selfie day. gonna take about a million selfies and make you post all of them to insta. let the world see how great we are. wait-- aren't bags under our eyes the new 'in' thing? stop. i'm not all that interesting. i'm probably the most boring person on the planet, you know this.

troye: that is simply not possible but thank u for playing.

troye: your ego deserves to get bigger, time to recognize what a queen you are. we all know already, so it's time you do as well.

I think this year is a little different. I have things I’m looking forward to doing with my son. Little silly traditions and little Christmas outfits. Matching pajamas for us also, those are always a hit. I do actually treat myself to some things when I get through tasks or if I drag myself out of bed when I don’t want to. You can totally get through the funk. He is a little over 3 months old. He’s the coolest baby ever. 

  baby’s first christmas, ugh that’s so adorable? are you going to be the kind of mum that goes all out and gets the little one all kitted for all the days leading up to the event? a three-month old will def keep you moving, even on the days when all you wanna do is sleep. does he take after you or his dad more? has his little personality started showing now?

i think once i debuted and wasn’t really given the time to be idle at all, any period where i’m not doing much for a few days really gets to me so i understand it! day trips are the best kind of trips in my opinion. usually a few times a month if we can swing it. it’s a little hard now with our son but we take him too when he’s not with his grandparents trying to make them absolutely whipped for him. he’s only 8 months so..it’s pretty hard to say no to him. oh man, a ryan gosling binge sounds so fun, i need to have one myself soon. funnily enough, right now it’s gossip girl! i’ve been doing a rewatch of the OG series and have been having a damn blast.

it’s a vicious cycle. at first it takes ages for your body to adjust to going three-hundred miles per minute but then it’s the same adjustment when your schedule clears again. one of the best things about living in LA, is that there’s so much interesting stuff to see and you don’t have to go that far for them. once i’m finally back in Cali and feeling more human, definitely gonna get back into doing day trips. traveling with a toddler sounds like a nightmare tbh. is yours a good sleeper? ahh i couldn’t agree more, gosling is a babe and has made fucking great films. what a king, adore him. do you have an actor that you always enjoy in every project they do? OG gossip girl, god that show was a mood. the looks were iconic. blair waldorf 4eva.