𝙩𝙧oj𝙖𝙣𝙞

I might be mixing up my timelines, but I know that was the last time I saw him.

My friend got this partner, who was a casual mate of mine. He'd said she was beautiful and of course I told her and she asked him out and they kissed and it was so lovely and I was so happy. It's not that we need romance in our lives, but it was wanted by both of them and they both genuinely liked each other.

We'd had those conversations, in preservation of friendship; 'don't let me become that person obsessed with my partner', 'don't let me be that person with no time for my friends', but it's essential in a way, to nest and block it all out and get your data, get your bearings and unfurl out of your relationship cocoon as you find new balance in your priorities and friendships. I think it is, and I believe that friends remain, like family, as landing pads for safety and love as these new lines are eventually drawn or balanced. They're also places where versions of you exist. So I'd said, 'I won't, but give it time and if you are, I'll tell you'.

I'd been consumed by relationships in the past, and I'd never achieved that balance. I wanted that for her, and I wanted her to know I'd be there even if she had to live it too.

I'm Shattered