Tripping Over Joy.

A harsh dose of reality.

I haven’t posted on this in a while.  I find that I use this mostly as a means to vocalize all of the thoughts and feelings I have that aren’t necessarily for my more public social media. This week has been…shit. This year honestly. September went better than I thought, at least up until the end.  My birthday falls in September. Last year my partner forgot my birthday which was kind of the…

One of those nights were you’re silently crying by yourself while listening to the Lumineers because you don’t want to wake your partner sleeping soundly beside you.  Some days I wish I could just sleep through all the bad days. Sleep through the insecurities. Sleep without caring that we hardly talked. Fall asleep being fine that his arms aren’t around me.  Instead I’m left wondering how many…

I wish life was cut and dry. That it wasn’t so complex and undetermined.  Out of respect for his privacy I don’t want to use my partner’s name. So to make this easy I’ll italicize ‘he’ when I’m talking about him.  So we went to my parents for an early Fourth of July celebration. My mom has been hinting that her, my dad, and grandma missed the two of us and our little dog Molly. Considering…

This week has been a rough one. Monday night I received a text from my mom that my childhood friend, a boy I grew up with, was in an accident.  He was driving his Vespa and hit a road side head on.  Fortunately, he was wearing his helmet but it put him in the ICU. I was distraught when I found out, even more so when my mom told me he was drunk.  The whole reason he was driving a Vespa is that he…

I have therapy tomorrow morning.  I don’t think I’m alone in this but every night before I know I have therapy I can tell how the session is going to go.  You have easy days where you just reflect and discuss life.  Then you have the days where you go in and come out without really feeling like you accomplished anything.  Then there are the doozies. The days where you come to some grand…

Guilt is my worst enemy, and it makes me my own worst enemy which isn’t necessarily something I needed help with in the first place.  I mentioned in prior posts that I lived with my partner and things were complicated.  I refer to him as my partner because although we are working through things he is not my “boyfriend”. He is my partner in the sense that we live together, have a joint account,…

One of my favorite forms of self care is doing my make up. There is something about it that is calming but also as someone who struggles with body image and feeling good about themselves it lets me feel more confident.  I’m a member of influenster which basically asks you se surveys and based on your input you get selected to try products.   Lucky for me and my self esteem I got a YSL mascara. …

Reading this book slowly but surely between lunch breaks and when Elias is playing video games.  So many things resonate. This quote in particular.  My God, how much I wanted to be same and calm on my own.

If you know me or see me at work you’d probably think, “Man that girl is a social butterfly!” I’m actually quite the recluse. My life is pretty regimented, wake up, work, come home, nap, occupy myself with Netflix/cooking/jigsaw puzzles, sleep and repeat.  Because I work full time I don’t have much time for a social life. I work every other weekend and my only day off is Thursday but that’s when…