Gay Terminator

★— Steves eyes LIT UP at the mention of the different languages.  ❛ Ah! Kannst du auch Deutsch?! Ich habe in Deutschland gelebt … für eine Weile, technically. Sorry, my Germans a little RUSTY, I ain’t had much time to practice it here.❜ He scratched the back of his head and shrugged in a friendly manner. He’d spent so much time serving against German troops that he had to pick up the language to make infiltration missions far easier. ❛ I’ve always wanted to learn Latin too– Y’may say it’s a dead language but it’s still useful… Must be easy to learn different ones huh… Linguistics have always been a fascinating subject for me, always wanted to LEARN more of ‘em. Geez, you really MUST be a great asset for who you work for. They must REALLY be missin’ you back home.❜

               They began to walk and talk as Steve led him down the streets, which weren’t as crowded as usual. It seemed people were savouring the peace and quiet and spending more time indoors. 

              He pulled a face, brows furrowing as he laughed a little.  ❛ No no, not IMPORTANT, m’sorry I should’a worded that better. Well I was with my ex who… Liked doing all the shopping. He had enough cash to spend so he’d hit the streets and buy everythin’ while I carry the bags sorta deal. As for a suit… Well I ain’t actually had one since I got here– had no need for it. Y’see, I ain’t got the EYE for suits. Seems you do though, c’mon, you can show me what’ll look best and pick something for yourself too. Don’t worry about cash, seems you just got here – I woulda been so happy if someone offered to help me out when I first got here, it’s the least I can do for a little company, really.❜

“Ich weiß genug, um zu überleben,” Ray replied, straightening his tie and trying to seem modest. He’s pretty proud of the German he can speak—and honestly of the Latin as well, even if that is a dead language. It does make it easy to figure out what people are saying in the Romantic languages, considering they’re all derived from Latin. “We don’t go to Germany much anymore. In my experience the Germans come to us more than anything else—and even more than that it’s the Russians...” And then he remembers he’s not supposed to be an international super spy, so he adds, “I mean, in the office of course.” A very smooth recovery and Steve definitely doesn’t suspect a thing. “And I guess I was an asset. But I usually found myself faced with ridicule more than praise—those bastards.”

AnY mOtHeRfUcKiN wAy LeMmE uP aNd EdUcAtE yOu AbOuT tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT, bRoThEr.

So ThErE’s ApPaReNtLy ThIs ShIt ThAt ExIsTs CaLlEd MaGnEtS, aNd I sWeAr To MoThErFuCkIn WhOeVeR wIlL lIsTeN tHaT tHiS sHiT iS tHe TiTs.

It’S aBsOlUtElY mAgIc MoThErFuCkErS aNd AiN’t No ThInG y’AlL cAn Do To CoNvInCe Me OtHeRwIsE.

tHiS sHiT iS tHe BiTcHtItS. lIkE fOr SoMe MiRaCuLoUs MaGiCaL mOtHeRfUcKiN rEaSoN mAgNeTs MaKe MeTaLs AlL uP aNd Hug tHeIr ShIt.

“So listen, Pacha. I know we had this whole soul searching thing and there was an adventure with death defying stunts and brave feats of bravery—you’re welcome by the way—but I have to say I don’t really feel evolved.”

Kuzco pulls the model of his dream vacation resort from its hiding spot and situates it back on top of the hill. Pacha tries to comment, but Kuzco shushes him.

“No no no no no, Pacha. You no talky.”

“Me talky. I’m the Emperor. I am the Big Kahuna. The man on top. Head honcho. Basically, what I say, goes. And if you have something to say about it, I suggest you take it up with the head of Human Resources, Mrs. Trash Can—”

“HOLD IT!!!”

The video pauses and Kuzco reappears in front of a screen, once again as a Llama.

“I feel like this is getting mean spirited, so I’m going to fast forward to when I say...”

“Have you heard about Turritopsis dohrnii? They’re a fascinating species of cnidaria taking the scientific world by storm! Turritopsis dohrnii begins its life as the planktonic planula larvae, but once it settles down it changes into its polyp stage. After a while in this form, it eventually matures into its medusa stage—essentially, the form you likely associate with jellyfish when you hear the word! Here’s an interesting image of the medusa stage of the Turritopsis dohrnii!”

“Well fine then! I guess I’ll just have to go over there and ask him myself!” Ray sets his drink down, motioning for the woman to watch it for him, then he walks over to a handsome thirty-something standing across the bar.

✗ bringing them alcohol

Needless to say, Ray was incredibly surprised when he saw his little student walking up with alcohol—and it wasn’t just any old alcohol either, it was some high end sparkly vodka with edible gold flecks in it or something. Ray was pretty sure this kid is not yet 21, so how he was able to attain this bottle was completely baffling... unless...

Ray almost didn’t feel it. Almost. The amount of alcohol in his blood was probably well over the legal limit, and he was having a good time. The bar had cool jazz playing softly in the background and he was chatting up—or attempting to chat up, and failing miserably as his words were near intelligible—an attractive twenty-something nearby.

It was like pressure at first, like someone pushing their hands against you. And then it was like a cramp, like the kind you get when you don’t drink enough water or don’t get enough air and decide to go for a run. And that, obviously, caused him to look down at the... slowly... growing stain. On his super expensive shirt.

Well that sure sobered him up.