trickshot

“I go in and steal his shit. That kind of raid.” ALEXEI procures. BARTON sells. “Then you move it.”

“DEAL,” he said, like it was ever a QUESTION. Fuck, he needed the cash. “How soon can you get it to me? I need it FAST, man.”

“FINE. You have a moment of my time. What is your PROPOSAL ??”

“Didn’t see that line workin’,” he muttered to himself. “DRINKS? Goin’ ‘round Central Park? A movie’s probably more YOUR speed, don’t seem like the chatty type.”

“Huh, I’m not so sure about that, Barn. Word on the street’s that Keith’s gotten rusty. And that he’s kinda fallen way behind his brother. Rumor has it it’s ‘cause he’s gettin’ old. Age’ll do that to ya, you know? It’s almost sad really. He used to almost give his brother real competition…” Clint trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. Even now, he and Barney knew just how to get under each other’s skin; part of being brothers, he guessed. “Uh huh, and how long did that job last? A day? Three? Can’t brag about it if they fired your ass, man.” He figured he didn’t want to know what the ‘other things’ were; plausible deniability and all. “I’m not wearing a leotard. Why don’t you wear a leotard? And I guess it is easier to remember a codename if you steal it from somebody first, huh Trickshot? Man, the GED is about the only original thing you’ve got.” He still looked for mentions of Barney in the papers, had every name he went by on Google alert just in case. Clint was smart enough to know that if Barney went down (be it by arrest or something more permanent), the authorities probably wouldn’t know to call him. He and his brother had been estranged for so long that few people even knew the relationship existed. “I’ll find something.” That was something he’d bet on. Barney didn’t even know how to do legal. It wasn’t in the cards. (Maybe it just wasn’t in their blood.) “Yeah, right. That’s way too much responsibility for you. You probably couldn’t handle a goldfish. ‘Sides, you don’t even know how to train a dog, dumbass.” Of course, Barney didn’t drop the matter. If he had, Clint might’ve actually gotten worried. “Fuck, can’t you let anything go? Girlfriend, okay? My girlfriend’s gonna wanna help me name it.” So much for keeping things on the down-low.

“Huh, don’t know where YOU get your information, but word on the street is that Keith’s brother only got MEDIOCRE ‘cause of Keith. Word on the street’s also that Keith’s WAY better looking and that age hasn’t affected him like his brother, even though he’s younger. Keith’s like a FINE WINE, his brother’s like an old, crusty date.” They could go on like this forever, no problem. Fuck, Barney could remember times they had gone like this for what felt like forever. Helped ‘em get through the day, he guessed. Something to take their mind off of when their father’d come home. Fucked up families had fucked up ways of dealing with things. “A couple of years,” he replied with a shrug. “Can’t brag about SHIELD when they were fuckin’ LIARS either, but look at you.” Honestly, Barney’d been kinda concerned when he’d heard about SHIELD’s fall. DRAMATIC, a lotta bad publicity, and he didn’t know where Clint stood in all of it. His files’d never been released (not that he’d ever admit he looked). “GREAT! The leotard’ll be in the mail for you in a coupla days time. Purple, of course, bet that’s still your colour -- fuck, probably your only colour.” Barney’s teeth gritted at that one, low blow, but at least it evened out their score a bit, gave him something more challenging. Clint was usually an EASY target. “At least you REMEMBER mine,” he pointed out. “Come on, man, refresh my memory a little. Hawk...?” He trailed off, letting the sentence hang there before grinning cockily at him. (He was a little RELIEVED Clint didn’t think to call him out on the bluff, that woulda sucked). He shrugged in response, letting it slide. They both knew he wouldn’t find SHIT, if he even looked. “And you do know how to train a dog? Lucky mostly just eats your fuckin’ pizza. Wouldn’t call that TRAINED.” Must as he wanted to argue the goldfish comment, he couldn’t. He grinned, what a fucking VICTORY. “GIRLFRIEND? Huh, I’m gonna need to get her a get well soon card ‘cause anyone crazy enough to date you needs HELP.” His grin only got wider, and cockier, as he continued. “When can I MEET her? Invite her over for a good ol’ family dinner. Hey, what’s her name, anyway?”

‘ if i had known i was going to have company i would have dressed a little more APPROPRIATELY. ‘

The look on Barney’s face was actually hilarious. Clint almost wished he had a camera or something so he could document it forever, but storing it in his memory banks would have to do. “Hey, literally none of that is true. He can shoot Keith under a table, I hear.Not that that’s particularly hard, but, hey…” he trailed off with a shrug, hoping to piss Barney off. Maybe he’d missed having his brother around a little. Not that he’d ever willingly admit it. “I don’t even need one. What have you done with it, huh?” Clint’s test scores had never been anything to brag about, and as much as he hated to admit it, Barney actually did have him beat there. There was a reason he’d never even tried for his GED, after all. “I don’t wear a leotard. No one wears a leotard. Have you ever actually seen any heroes?” Of course, he knew the answer to that; Barney wouldn’t bother with that kind of thing until it concerned him directly. “I have done it. It’s not impressive. I’m not impressed, no one’s impressed. Stop bragging about dumb shit.” There was no real bite in his tone, of course. At Barney’s mention of his ‘job,’ Clint’’s eyes narrowed. “I swear to god, Barn, I’ll arrest your ass. I can do that.” No, he couldn’t. Without SHIELD, Clint had no real authority. Even if he did, he probably wouldn’t be able to bring himself to arrest his brother. But Barney didn’t need to know that. “You’re not getting free rent! What would you even do with a dog?” Actually, he probably didn’t want to know the answer to that. Of course, Barney couldn’t let Clint’s slip-up go unnoticed, and he groaned at his brother laughed obnoxiously. “You’re literally the worst person I know. You’re evicted, I’m evicting you. Go live in a box.”

For a minute, Barney contemplated PUNCHING him. It’d probably be pretty damn satisfying, it’d at least wipe THAT look off of Clint’s face. (And SHUT him up, although it wouldn’t last). “The only person who can outshoot KEITH is Robin Hood. Wanna know why? Because he isn’t even REAL ---- exaggerated talent.” He paused, “Definitely not his fucking BROTHER.” As much as he wanted to punch him, he was kinda having fun. He’d missed this, whatever the fuck it was. Banter? Bickering? FUCK, he didn’t know, but he didn’t have it with anyone else. (He kinda hated Clint for that). “Got a job with the FBI, which is WAY cooler than SHIELD, by the way.” He paused, shrugging, “Couple other things, too.” None of them were LEGAL, but hey, that was part of the fun! He laughed again, part of it patronizing, and part of it genuine. “Nah, but dude, you should try the leotard. It’ll be your angle. They’d FINALLY remember who you are. Hawkbird? Hawkguy? Hawkish? See, I can’t even remember.” Of course he did know his brothers moniker, but he wasn’t gonna let him know that. (Looked for his name in the papers, sometimes, wondering how he was. Only at his LOWEST, but it counted for something). “Arrest my ass for what?” He questioned, smirking. “I’m a secretary, man. I run ERRANDS.” If errands were arms deals, among other things, that was. Close enough! “YEAH, I am. Train it, play with it, the usual dog owner shit. What did you think I’d do with a dog?” Probably sell it someone else, honestly, but he wasn’t honest often. Didn’t wanna start a precedent he wouldn’t follow now. He snickered, a cocky grin crossing his face, “Not my fault you slipped up, man. I taught you better than that. You didn’t answer my question though -- what the FUCK is a g-friend? Why’re they naming your DOG?”

“I take one look at you and it is OBVIOUS.”

“Could say the same about YOU, but I’m willing to GIVE the benefit of the doubt.”

“They sure don’t sound too friendly, but this dog on the other hand does. Once isn’t too bad, all animals bite someone at  some point I’m sure. Can I meet her?”

“Yeah, she’s not too bad. REALLY likes my chicken.” Barney nodded and called for the dog, who came running immediately. He side stepped her so she went to his companion. “Kinda the whole point of this, man. Meet... I dunno, never NAMED her.”

      ‘  why are you so afraid to love  ?  ’  he tries to look properly scandalized, but an upward curl of his lips and the mirth in his eyes contradicts the severity of his tone.  ‘  does he have a name  ?  ’  eddie asks, extending his hand toward the lil’ guy.

“I guess I’ll have to take up on your offer,” Iris said.

“AWESOME! I’ll take that in cash,” he said with a grin. “So what’re you gonna name it?”

[TEXT]: No wonder you needed coffee money.

BARTON seems to underestimate ALEXEI. “Hardly.” The NYPD swarms like locusts. HE wants to remain above detection.

“A raid on a fellow русский. Another Russian. Your cut is thirty percent, друг.”

“Riiiight,” Barney said, nodding along. What else did you say to that? Alexei took things too far and knew how to SHUT down a conversation. Respectable, he guessed. Drew his BOUNDARIES. 

[TEXT]: Are you a weatherman or something?

“I don’t NEED to. If you’re involved, I have NO desire to be.”

“And how do you KNOW that?”

“Huh, that’s fuckin wild, man. Uhh, I may be up for it. How much we talkin, here?” he asked curiously.

“Wish I could say that wild shit didn’t happen to me A LOT,” that was a lie. He LOVED the 'wild’ shit. “How’s two hundred? Gotta make sure whoever buys ‘em is NICE.”

“I travel too much to have a dog, and my girlfriend would probably be a little pissed if I came home with a dog.”

“Fair enough, fair enough,” Barney replied, good natured. “Can see how that wouldn’t go over WELL. You know anyone who might want it? I travel a lot, too, and fuck, I’m not good with commitment.”

“That’s really messed up.”  There was a frown on her face as she looked up at the man.  “I just can’t believe someone just left their dog with you.  Who does that?” She ruffled the dog’s fur, giving a slight smile again towards the dog.  “Because, you’re such a good boy, aren’t you?” she mused.  He really was sweet.