i'm not mad I'm not mad I'm not mad I'm not mad

I'm so far down again that all I want to do is delete all my accounts everywhere and crawl down and kill myself.

I'm useless, I know that much. I'm a burden, I know that as well, thank you very much. I'm not even worth to be a distraction from something unimportant. Nobody really likes me, and the thought of having me around is making people sick (not literally, but... oh well). I don't have friends except for one and that one only because he actually wants to bang me. I feel like I'm losing my girlfriend when the thing that should be happening right now is the opposite of that. I feel like screaming at my job which I actually love and at which I'm pretty good because it's becoming too much stress. I have three weeks off soon which I don't want to have because it'll show me how alone and miserable I am. And I can't even do the one thing that'd be both important and useful because it's too hard to fucking give a fucking answer and not pushing everything from oneself for days and weeks and months and half a year now.