he/him

The way I'm not even good at having an eating disorder is hilarious and also killing me. Being tormented by being so fucking fat and I can't even actually lose weight. Boyfriend looks like a whole different person and I am still puffy and wide and effeminate and so goddamn big. BOIL ME.

HOLY FUCK I NEED TO GET BACK ON MY DIET AND LOSE WEIGHT THE INSTANT MY PARENTS LEAVE IM FREAKING OUT I LOOK AWFUL SEND HELP IF I GAINED WEIGHT WHILE MOVING STATES I WILL FREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK

Man I wish suicide really did jusr immediately and completely end the pain and didn't like turn you into a corpse for real. Icky

My body is so fucked up and useless in so many ways i lowkey feel like i should just be mercy killed at this point. Nothing will ever get better and all my issues are compounding each other. Like i can't pass because of my disability and im fat because of my disability snd i can't pass because im fat and because im trans no one will help me with my disability and because im fat no one cares about my disability and i cant transition because i have no money because im disabled. Like its just swirling down the drain man. Can we just flush me so I don't have to deal with my futile and constant hopeless struggle

Want to succeed at something for once. Want to succeed in something that was hard and i actually tried and i did it anyway. Want to actually win at just anything

Weight went down one day and then RIGHT back up so im fucking. Losing it. This is so fucking frustrating and infuriating and i thought i was doing something right. I thought i was getting somewhere but no of course not. Why would something go right

Realizing my current food restriction just straight up IS self harm is insanely enlightening. At least i know wtf is going on. Gonna keep doin it tho

still having a very strange eating disorder experience lately. Need to eat precise limits or i will actually freak out. Number on scale must go down or i freak out. Not sure i have any genuine desire to be thin. Hearing about other people losing weight makes me sad and upset and incredibly ashamed. Especially if they're doing it better than me. ED behaviors vaguely make me feel clean. Cannot stop thinking about it yet hate talking about it. Cannot stop thinking about it. Really, really, cannot stop thinking about it. Turning to doomscrolling for the first time in years just to shut it up for two seconds. This feels mostly like a punishment im cleansed by

was literally doing so good on not being ED triggered today for One Single Day but one of my fav kink posters is apparently getting thin and. now. i feel bad

The funny part i guess of my ed kicking the shit out of me right now is i don't even think i want to be thin. Im not even remotely attracted to thinness. The last time i delt with this, i got a lot sicker. I was got so much stronger while i was actually eating freely. I just want to be clean and pure and not a failure for once

wish both me an boyfriend could put our eating disorders back in the bottle. miss when this wasnt on my mind constantly. wish he wasnt starving himself. wish i could cuddle him soft. i wish i could just enjoy food. wish i could be happy fat

Being a feedist & having an eating disorder at the same time is an actual clown show. Everyone should gain weight because it's sexy and comforting and there is literally nothing better or hotter in this world than a fat trans man. Not for me tho i deserve to be boiled

google how to get my medical trauma fixed when doctors will continue to do the same shit as always and retraumatizing me. google how to not fear doctors when your fears are correct and real. google how to trust the medical profession when they've given you no reason to trust them