"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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blake kathryn
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we're not kids anymore.
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trying on a metaphor
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Noah Kahan

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@trashley-offline

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Let’s role play, you be the enfeebled gnome and I’ll be the gunslinger
gnome voice: i have a severe vitamin deficiency hello. you have a gun. please dont shoot me. although i am hard to hit because i am so small but on the other hand i am fairly slow on account of the vitamin deficiency. hello.
Gripping you by the throat and touching you from behind, forcing you to look at a picture of yourself. Its from last week, when I dolled you up and took a Polaroid of your embarrassed face.
You are going to cum to her, understand?
Don't fucking look away, look at her and cum. Yes, I said Her. No you don't have a choice, though you are welcome to cry babygirl.
Look you are already leaking for her, you can't hate it that much. Admit it, she's fucking hot. Tell me she's hot.
Thats a good girl.
2 years ago i tried drawing this from memory at work and it got hung above the cash registers for like a week
so this knight came to my wizard's tower one day and asked me to cast a spell that would allow him to take his beloved princess' hand in marriage. pretty typical this kind of wish, and i had just the spell. a combo of "turn person into a royal" and "transform appearance to match romantic ideal", easy. he paid handsomely for it too, so how can i says no?
turns out his princess is a lesbian and nobody knew, so when i cast the spell it made him into a beautiful princess. she asked for a refund right away and begged me (cryin', held me at swordpoint) to turn her back, but i says to her, i says, "The die has already been cast, and your fate is now sealed!" which is my way of sayin' "no refunds".
turns out, bein' a princess weren't so bad for her and she was able to take her sweet and beloved princess' hand in marriage. seems like everything worked out.
but then, surprise of my life, they both show up to my tower and my spell was undone. some dark sorcerer shithead (some kinda sketchy royal adviser who wanted to usurp the throne, a million like 'im) had removed my enchantments and turned our princess back into a knight. but she didn't want to be a man no more and asked me to redo the spell. gladly i changed her back in exchange for fuckin' up this sorcerer shmuck, (could be a threat to my business, you see) gave 'er an enchanted sword an everything. to my shock, the other princess takes the sword and vows to get this guy for me.
now i got all this guy's magic shit and good graces for life with the queens of the land, plus the best advertisement money can't buy. "yes, i am in fact That wizard from the story of the princess knight!" classic.
anyway, all that to say, no i ain't changin' yous back. you'll be mommy's pretty little maid and you'll like it.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Needlessly poetic in a way that draws your credibility into question. The whimsical typography also reduces the gravity of the statement. Please see the revised edition attached below.
Dude i want the skoodydoo🐕 giant sandwich🥪
twink ate all my pretzels so i threw it off a cliff like a harpoon and it actualy inbedded on the other side of the cliff and now im kinda mad i didnt tye a rope to its feet
one time in a vc i said “cokey coler” and one guy got so mad he confronted me the next day in person to ask if i was a zionist
fell asleep listening to f4f enemies to lovers audios woke up in my single bed drenched in sweat in a daze one hip dislocated half blind

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Muffin Man: the original doxxing victim
just clicked a sausage link
new concept: fempreg
like mpreg but for fem
theres two types of people in this world:
“guh” people
or
“buh” people

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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im new to lactose intolerance and trying to reach other lackeys (slang for people who are lactose intolerant) so we can talk about being lactose intolerant.
bored in the crib choking on my own spit for something to do