strange moon rocks

SMOKED SALMON IS THE ONLY THING THAT NUMBS THE PAIN

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

i have an urgent suggestion

look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat

solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that

getting lost in boston is fun because I turned around on a street corner three times and some guy yelled "hey stupid! the bus is that way!" very helpful interaction and accurate insult, 10/10 no notes

one time I walked around a building a couple times looking for a bathroom and this guy went "this bitch thinks she's on a merrygoround, where the fuck are you tryna go? bathroom? one floor down to the right behind the door that says bathroom."

My very first time in Boston. I was absolutely miserable, trying to drag my giant suitcase up a lengthy set of stairs in the pouring rain. This guy who had already reached the top looked back at me with the most pure expression of disgust I’ve ever seen in anyone’s eyes, marched back down the stairs, grabbed my suitcase, carried it to the top, left it there for me, and walked away without ever saying a word. I think about him often.

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

did you guys hear about the psychic air freshener

it makes scents when you think about it

meowth voice: today I’m takin james to da clinic to get an aboition

straight men fujo out all the time they just don't know it

Can I hit or do I have to pay tribute to the rest of your polycule first

Twenty bushels of millet to milady with the neopussy. Twenty five to the it/she because it does the dishes most often.

hikes are very good yes but a deluxe hike is when you are accompanied by a freak with niche nature knowledge. they’re like omg stop there’s a horned valerian varmint beetle here and then you both get to crouch down and look at a bug like :)