True Love in the Body of Christ:
Lately I’ve been sitting with something heavy on my heart, and truths God has been revealing to me.
The importance of Christlike love in the Church, especially in these times.
We talk a lot about revival.
We talk about gifts, calling, purpose, anointing.
But Scripture is clear that love is the foundation of all of it.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35
And honestly, I’ve noticed how easy it is, even within the Church, for love to become conditional. Not always intentionally, but often because our hearts are still in process, still being renewed, still learning how to love the way Christ loves us.
Unity isn’t built by hierarchy, image, or spiritual performance.
Unity is built when we choose to love people, not ideas of people.
The Church should be the one place where:
differences don’t divide us
and people aren’t treated like problems to manage
Yet too often, what should feel like family can begin to feel fractured, marked by avoidance, gossip, silent judgments, and unspoken offence. Sometimes we carry wounds behind spiritual language instead of bringing them into the light where healing can happen.
Scripture warns us about this:
“If you bite and devour one another, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” Galatians 5:15
That's a strong language.
Because God takes unity seriously!!!
Something else I’ve noticed, especially among younger adults, is the formation of cliques within churches.
It’s not wrong to have friends.
It’s not wrong to have your people.
But when we only stay in our own groups…
when we never branch out…
when we choose familiarity and comfort over love…
That’s when people get left out.
That’s when people feel invisible.
That’s when people stop feeling like they belong.
Cliques, when they become closed and exclusive, work against the heart of the Church.
The Church isn’t meant to feel like a closed circle, it’s meant to feel like an open table.
“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers.” Hebrews 13:2
We should be going out of our way to speak to people we don’t know.
To make people feel seen.
Because Christ didn’t build a clique, He built a body.
Jesus sat with people He wasn’t comfortable with.
And even knowing Judas would betray Him…
He still sat at the table with him.
That’s the heart of Christ.
And I’ve lived this personally.
In my last church, I continued loving a brother, giving grace, and holding space for him to come to me with honesty and integrity, even when I felt deeply warned by God that betrayal was coming.
Not saying I wasn't bitter or hurt. But I still carried that love inside.
At that time, I felt led to respond with grace rather than confrontation, not because it was easy, but because I was still learning how to love without hardening my heart.
And I still love him to this day and pray the best for him.
That’s the heart we’re called to carry for one another.
Something I’ve learned, both spiritually and psychologically, is this:
Unprocessed pain always leaks out if it's bottled up for too long.
When people don’t feel safe to be honest about what they’re carrying, shame, fear, insecurity, trauma, doubt, it doesn’t disappear. It gets buried. And what’s buried eventually surfaces as projection, defensiveness, judgment, gossip, or withdrawal.
The truth is, many people are carrying heavy things alone, not because they want to, but because they don’t feel safe enough to open up.
They’re afraid of being judged. Afraid of being misunderstood. Afraid of not being taken seriously. Afraid of being cast out. Afraid that honesty will cost them belonging.
So instead of bringing things into the light, people carry it in silence, with anxiety, fear, and isolation, and having no save space to confide in someone, these bad feelings will always surface, as we were not called to carry them alone. Especially in church environments that should be the safest place to be honest.
And that should never be the atmosphere of the body of Christ.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” 1 John 4:18
The Church is meant to be the place where people can be open about their struggles without judgment, not the place where people learn how to hide better. And I’m not saying go to church and tell the whole congregation about your issues as some people sadly won’t keep those battles you carry to themselves. But God will bring you someone who is a safe person to be open with.
But too often, we perform unity instead of truly walking in it.
We perform strength instead of cultivating safety.
So people say, “I’ll just pray for them,”
instead of sitting with them.
Carrying the weight with them.
And that’s not biblical unity.
Here’s another hard truth I’ve been sitting with:
People are rarely changed by knowledge alone. What truly impacts them is seeing Christ reflected in how we love, listen, and treat one another.
How you treat people is the evidence of God working in you
not how spiritual you sound.
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
Your walk speaks louder than your wisdom.
I’ve seen how easy it is, especially for younger believers, to grow in language and knowledge faster than character. I’ve had to confront this tension in myself too.
but treating others poorly.
while judging, avoiding, or wounding others.
That should never be normal in the house of God, or anywhere.
Christian or not, we are called to treat one another with love, respect, patience, and compassion, because you never know what someone is carrying. Or how close the enemy has someone at death's door.
Without patience and compassion, we will always struggle to carry one another’s burdens.
I want to be honest about something personal.
I would never judge someone for their past, or even for what they’re struggling with right now. As long you’re open with me, honest with me, and willing to grow, I’ll be there for you no matter what. As long as you are respectful towards me, I will be there to help you carry the weight on this narrow road.
As I see the beauty in your soul. That the darkness has tried to own, and I won't let the enemy get a hold of what God planted deep inside of you. I want to see you blossom and reach your full potential in He who loves you!
I’ve functioned this way since I was a boy, since before I knew my Fathers name. And it was hard to carry this heart alone, as I would carry too much for others thinking I could fix them, but now I have a relationship with my Father, he can help me navigate the burdens you carry and track the root down to the source of the pain or trauma you carry.
That’s the heart of Christ.
And that’s the heart we need more of in the Church.
Because real unity isn’t pretending everything is fine.
Its’s walking together while things are being healed.
Now this same truth applies directly to relationships as well!
So many relationships today, even Christian ones, are built on conditions, not covenant.
what stage of life they’re in
what they can provide right now
That kind of love is fragile.
If your love depends on conditions…
What happens when God strips those conditions away?
If your love was built on conditions, it will collapse the moment comfort disappears. And this is why in the world, people so comfortably discard a partner and jump into another relationship within weeks or months. Monkey branching. Lining up the next partner whilst still in a relationship. People justify this evil, because they never loved the person unconditionally.
And I'd been in relationships like this, where I love the other unconditionally. I've seen all the stuff you carry and love you because I see the real you past it all. And they love me conditionally. This is when control seeps in, as if those conditions are not met, a partner becomes resentful or frustrated. This is how the enemy has destroyed what relationships should look like. And why so many divorce.
Because it was never rooted in covenant, it was rooted in convenience.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:7
This is why so many relationships don’t last, they’re built on checklists instead of Christ.
But when a relationship has:
friendship as the foundation
trust in God over material security
That’s the kind of love that lasts.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33
Unconditional love doesn’t mean ignoring wisdom.
It doesn’t mean tolerating harm.
But it does mean loving in a way that’s prepared to stand when life gets hard.
Because it will. Especially in marriage, as the enemy hates it.
And love that has Christ at the centre, not conditions, is the love that endures. From conversations with both brothers and sisters, I’ve seen how cultural expectations, around independence, security, and success, can subtly shape how we love, often without us realising it.
And love that has Christ at the centre, not conditions, is the love that endures. From conversations with both brothers and sisters, I’ve seen how cultural expectations, around independence, security, success, and self sufficiency, can subtly shape how we love, often without us realising it.
Both men and women are affected in different ways. Men can be shaped by performance, status, and the pressure to provide or appear strong, while women can feel pressure toward self reliance, independence, and security in themselves. When these cultural pressures go unexamined, love can quietly shift from covenant to conditions, even within Christian relationships.
I was actually speaking to a sister in the church about this recently, and what she shared really stayed with me. She spoke honestly about how she sees women within the churches, unknowingly carrying mindsets shaped by the world into their faith. Especially ideas around independence, self sufficiency, and doing life entirely on your own terms.
She reflected on how those patterns, while often formed as protection or survival, can sometimes harden into control in relationships, making it difficult to trust, to receive, or to allow a man to lead in the way Scripture calls him to. Not because women are doing something wrong intentionally, but because the world has taught them they must carry everything alone.
She shared how, when she began surrendering that mindset to God, releasing the pressure to be everything, to control outcomes, to lead from self protection, she experienced a deep sense of peace. Life became lighter. Relationships felt safer. She described it as finally walking in biblical womanhood, rooted not in weakness, but in trust, security, and rest in the Lord.
Biblical submission is often misunderstood. It is not passivity. It is not silence. It is not being diminished. It is a posture of trust, order, and partnership, just as men are called to lead not with dominance, but with sacrificial love, humility, and accountability before God.
When both men and women are shaped more by culture than by Christ, relationships suffer. But when both are willing to unlearn the world’s definitions and allow Scripture to redefine strength, leadership, and partnership, love becomes lighter, freer, and far more secure.
One of the hardest truths I’ve learned is this:
You can be in church and still be in survival mode.
You can worship but still react from wounds.
You can serve but still love conditionally.
But that’s not how Jesus loved.
Jesus didn’t love from a distance.
sat with people in their mess
listened before correcting
stayed when others walked away
“A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.” Matthew 12:20
Growing up, long before I knew the Lord, God was already shaping something in my heart.
God has been growing in me a deep compassion for the person underneath the pain, something I’m still learning how to carry with humility and wisdom.
The beautiful soul underneath the darkness that surrounds you, that you hide away behind a false front, because you are afraid of being judged.
And I believe the Church needs that same compassion:
to recognise pain instead of judging it
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
Carrying burdens doesn’t mean fixing people.
It means walking with them. I’ve seen too many people fall of the narrow path because they are bleeding out alone.
We are living in times where unity matters more than ever.
The Church cannot afford to mirror that.
We were called for a time such as this.
If we can’t put differences aside…
If we can’t see one another through God’s eyes…
If we can’t love beyond preference, comfort, and familiarity…
Then we will never walk in true biblical unity.
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:3
This is iron sharpening iron.
This is carrying one another’s burdens.
This is the body of Christ functioning as it was designed to.
Because we were never meant to carry this alone.
If the Church gets love right, everything else follows.
That’s how the world will know Him, when that love flows through all of us in unison, casting a light so bright that those lost in the world can’t ignore it. Because it’s the warmth they’ve been searching for their whole lives, a place to warm themselves at the fire, which is God’s heart living in you.
So brothers and sisters, let us all take time in this season to examine our hearts before the Lord, allowing Him to refine how we love, how we listen, and how we walk together.
The battle is intensifying, and we cannot afford to carry burdens alone. Let us allow the Lord to renew our hearts and our minds, so that out of us may flow living waters, reflecting His heart to a world that is desperate for real love, real unity, and real hope.
