lost in the darkness

but they are in the air i breathe.

surrounding me every step i take.

tugging at my clothes.

clinging to my skin.

filling my lungs.

suffocating my soul.

I'm withering away.

This cannot be it.

You never treated me like I needed fixing.

One of the many reasons

then break me down,

tear me to pieces

then fit them back together.

you spread my insides on the floor

admiring all the broken edges,

then found your joy

in fixing the mess you made.

you liked the process

not the end product,

healing then shattering

again and again and again.

You did it so often

I'm certain

I was

But they are in the air I breathe

Surrounding me every step I take

Tugging at my clothes

Clinging to my skin

Filling my lungs

Suffocating my soul.

I was 13 the summer

he told me that, damn, my thighs had grown a lot

- I looked at them with disgust.

my friends are the reason I hate my own body

for years

I felt like I was too much because they were so little

- I looked up to them.

my sister is the reason I hate my own body

over and over again

she told me that I should lose some weight

- I look nothing like her.

my mother is the reason I hate my own body

for as long as I can remember

she talked about how much she hated her own belly

- mine looks just like hers.

my boyfriend is the reason I accept my own body

every single day

he makes me feel beautiful and loved